Kevin Rudd, the man from Nambour, was on a roll. He could sense his time approaching; the second coming when he would at last, through his munificence, perpetuate Kevin’s Labor Party (KLP). The tension was palpable. His first incarnation had ended badly when, in an unprovoked but unusual misjudgment, he allowed his enemies to gain the upper hand. Kevin would not fail the second time – the second Rudd Administration would surpass the wildest dreams of his acolytes.
The Member for Griffith departed on a world tour to great acclaim. In the United States he met interlocutors such as Kissinger, Obama, Kennedy, Roosevelt and Tipp O’Neill. Rudd’s speeches – in English and Spanish – were studiously copied and pamphlets distributed on his One Hundred and Thirty Nine Points. In Chicago, Rudd met both Mayor Rahm Emanuel and former Mayor Richard J. Daley, stating
It is also a great honour to be welcomed so warmly here during my first visit to this great city of Chicago – including being received by Mayor Rahm Emanuel and Mayor Richard Daley. We are the greatest friends of the great city of Chicago, where we spent our formative years in poverty but through our drive and ingenuity rose to greatness in Australia and the world.
In London, Rudd granted an audience to Elizabeth II and Churchill, the latter declaring that Rudd’s mastery of the English language surpassed his own. Prime Minister Cameron pledged allegiance to the Ruddster, predicting that Rudd would soon lead Australia to greatness. Churchill stated
Never in the course of human history has so much been owed by so many to one man: Kevin Michael Rudd.
And so Rudd’s pilgrimage attracted scores of admirers and converts. At last feeling it time to return to his kin, Rudd received a hero’s reception on landing at Brisbane International Airport. Paul Howes, Julia Gillard and Quentin Bryce awaiting the Great Man’s return, pledged their loyalty to his cause.
Rudd Mark II, born 31 July 2012.
Mike Carlton says Julia is doing Slim Pickens.
That would make Kevin into Merkin Muffley.
Bruce
28 Jul 12 at 8:13 am
I’d say Swan must be Gen. Buck Turgison, and Mc Clelland would be Brig. Gen. Jack D. Ripper.
I’d fancy Bob Carr as Colonel Bat Guano. I don’t think they have anyone sensible enough to be Grp. Cpt. Lionel Mandrake.
.
28 Jul 12 at 8:21 am
Pithily put. May well we see St Krudd parade once more; in his dreams, perhaps.
amcoz
28 Jul 12 at 8:34 am
Come on, give the guy a fair shake of the sauce bottle. He is stil getting his shit together. It is not easy making the transition from sleeping in a car to being a world famous statesman and polymath. Especially when everyone you have to work with is an incompetent or hates you or is after your job.
Poor Old Rafe
28 Jul 12 at 8:43 am
Please don’t Samuel. That was too creepy to be funny.
dd
28 Jul 12 at 8:48 am
Looking forward to more “programmatic specificity”.
However I just can’t see the Member for Lalor as Miss Foreign Affairs…
Cold-Hands
28 Jul 12 at 9:58 am
His people await the triumphal return.
Coming to a shopping centre near you.
H B Bear
28 Jul 12 at 10:00 am
Didn’t King Kev get an audience with King Barack?
JamesK
28 Jul 12 at 10:14 am
A great laugh for a miserable Saturday morning. I do think the Brits could have invited him to light the torch.
Mother G
28 Jul 12 at 10:35 am
The most terrifying headline I have ever seen in my life was the one last week where KR said he hoped to keep contributing to Australian public life for the next couple of decades. Let’s hope it’s as no higher a post than the opposition leader’s coat minder.
Vagabond
28 Jul 12 at 10:40 am
The most terrifying headline I have ever seen in my life was the one last week where KR said he hoped to keep contributing to Australian public life for the next couple of decades. Let’s hope it’s as no higher a post than the opposition leader’s coat minder.
Vagabond
28 Jul 12 at 10:40 am
Why is it miserable, Mother G?
Winston Smith
28 Jul 12 at 11:00 am
Well she has had many domestic affairs so why not foreign? Many a man to choose from!
stackja
28 Jul 12 at 12:00 pm
Rudd may want to come back but he needs better tactics. His challenge was before the QLD election rather than after when the ALP was on the ropes.
No sense of timing: if you are the messiah, make sure you get your timing right.
Jim Rose
28 Jul 12 at 12:26 pm
Who is paying for this Krudd wankfest?
jupes
28 Jul 12 at 1:02 pm
Winston. Just it is a stinky morning when all I can see from the front of the house is the letterbox. In my heart I am all singing and dancing
Mother G
28 Jul 12 at 1:06 pm
Yes Mother G. I also grieved when the PMG stopped Saturday delivery, but that was fifty years ago.
Is it not time to move on?
Winston SMITH
28 Jul 12 at 1:35 pm
Kevin Rudd meets Ted Kennedy:
“I used to sleep in my car”.
“Well I went swimming in mine once.”
H B Bear
28 Jul 12 at 4:07 pm
on Ted Kennedy, his ability to flee the scene of a fatal accident after a night of drinking, not call for help for his drowning passanger, and survive in politics amazed me. the coward got a two months suspended sentence.
americans are know for their re-electing of politicans from the big house – see http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_many_US_senators_and_congressmen_are_convicted_felons
these days, any drinking and driving by a politician can end a political career, and so should it.
Jim Rose
28 Jul 12 at 4:26 pm
Imagine in May 1940 – Winston Spencer Rudd makes his inspirational speech to the British nation:
“I have nothing to offer but detailed programmatic specificity, reverse-engineered outcomes and conceptual synthesis.”
James in Melbourne
28 Jul 12 at 5:35 pm
Ye Gods and little fishes, PLEASE not the Mr Sheen Holograph Man again!!
I just could NOT bear it!
Jazza
28 Jul 12 at 6:39 pm
I’m getting confused, Teddy bear Kennedy, didnt he die? Anyway would have loved to have been a fly on the wall when Joe Biden addressed Abbott as Prime Minister, in the presence of Rudd, Emerson and Shorten. The thought bubbles.
delfino
28 Jul 12 at 7:41 pm
A little known story about the minutes before the accident Mary Jo Kopechne revealed to Teddy that she was carrying his baby. Ted responded by saying we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.
Splatacrobat
28 Jul 12 at 7:54 pm
hahaaahhaa Splatacrobat, you have a wicked sense of humour.
delfino
28 Jul 12 at 8:13 pm
Please Samuel.. Don’t do posts like this again. It causes nightmares.
JC
28 Jul 12 at 10:26 pm
Oh come on, Mother G – it was a joke!
Winston Smith
29 Jul 12 at 9:45 am
–Exclusive dreams of past and current affairs (by anonymous)–
Today’s date: Wednesday, 26 September, 2012.
Dream 1 (been and gone)
At least days before Kevin Rudd even fell from being prime minister I had this dream maybe about him (unknown date). In this dream I saw in third person a puppet master controlling all these strings connected to many black puppets… The ground underneath the puppet master sunk and he fell through the ground. I then saw in third person a white descent sized tall man falling from high in the sky and about to hit the sea next to the shore. I felt that he was thinking he had two alternatives as a come back and this was in the form of two ships which I saw in the next scene. As he was hitting the sea I saw from the shore an adult white male figure coming to save him… Waiting near the shore line next to this house were a white little boy and an adult white male figure…
Dream 2 (a current affair)
Monday, 17 September, 2012 I had a dream. In this dream I saw in third person an aerial view of the good guys located at the bottom and the bad guys were located at the top. The good and bad guys had these defences along the front line. Within the bad guys front line defences were 3 telephone symbols. The good guys then attacked by out flanking the bad guy’s defences. As for military on both good and bad sides I couldn’t really tell what was involved because all I saw was some foot soldiers and at least one floating mother ship. It felt like the good guys were winning. The leaders of the bad guys were in this room. In the dream I had a feeling that the main leader was going to talk about what just happened, and maybe via television.
anonymous
26 Sep 12 at 10:01 pm