I was at the BCA dinner when the Prime Minister lectured the attendees about the excellence of her government. Everyone was very respectful – it would have been bad manners to laugh, I figured.
But just check out some of these howlers:
Australia’s budget is one of the seven economic wonders of the modern world. (Droll or not?) (And if there is anything wondrous about it, we should thank Howard and Costello because this lot has simply spent the surpluses and more.)
We will maintain the stable macro-economic framework – a floating currency, independent monetary policy and a strong fiscal framework. (Que? Is anyone talking about fixing the currency or removing independent monetary policy? And we should be grateful for these deeply embedded features continuing or somethink (Thomson pronunication, please)?)
Private sector engagement is vital to the success of our plan. (Stalin, eat your heart out.)
Give Sachin Tendulkar the AM and make the front and back page in the biggest newspaper market on earth. (Hmmm, that would be the Sachin Tendulkar who says nothing when he comes to Australia and has no love for the country?)
This is a time when you only win if you do the work, when you only succeed if you shape your own future. (Drumroll required, really.)
Consider this: in just ten years, Apple’s market value has increased from US$6bn to around US$500bn. Nokia’s market value has declined from US$70bn to under US$10bn. I know which path I want us to be on – that’s why we have a plan. (What is the point of this story, I wondered?)
In total around sixty per cent of the world’s GDP is either subject to a carbon price today, or has one legislated or planned for implementation in the two or three years ahead. (Figures completely wrong according to Henry Ergas.)
International carbon markets will cover billions of consumers this decade. Ask the bankers at your table whether they want Australia to clip that ticket. We’re going to help them get their share.
This last one would have to be the clanger of all clangers. The transaction costs of running emissions trading schemes are deadweight losses that reduce national income. And the Prime Minister is extolling their virtues as a means of enriching bankers, who according to the Wayne Swan view of the world, are thieving, useless pieces of work. Go figure.
Who does write this drivel?, is a question I really would like answered.