Under the terms of the Gonski education reforms, I am pleased to submit the School Improvement Plan 2013 for St Cyril’s Boys’ School.
Last year’s performance was marred by some atrocious behaviour by Jeeves and Smyth. In order to improve our performance in 2013, we have decided to expel both Jeeves and Smyth.
The fact that Jeeves’ father, Sir Percy, has decided to sue the school and that Jeeves’ uncle is the presiding judge are unfortunate, but we will not flinch from our quest to improve our school’s performance in 2013, in keeping with the inspiring vision set out in the Gonski report.
The mental breadown of Miss Higginbottom, our French and PE teacher, also did not help. It turned out that she had become too close – if you know what I mean – to Mr “Twitter” Thwaites, our mathematics and Latin teacher.
We have therefore decided to terminate the services of both Miss Higginbottom and Twitter this year. This has necessitated the school dropping French, PE, mathematics and Latin from our curriculum. But given that our students did not excel in any of those subjects, we feel that this decision will lead to signficant school improvement in 2013.
I am assuming this plan is sufficient under the regulations imposed by the Commonwealth Department of Education and will be duly filed by some graduate clerk.
In due course … soon, we hope … we expect to receive additional funding because Jeeves’ brother and cousin are slow, to say the least. Quite THICK, in fact.
I remain, yours sincerely
Headmaster, St Cyril’s
I think Bertram Wooster would have been more likely to be found guilty of bad behaviour than Jeeves.
Bertie was renowned for bringing up in his defence when in trouble the fact that he won the prize for scripture knowledge while attending Malvern House.
Splatacrobat
23 Feb 13 at 8:42 am
Phew!!! For a moment there I was worried that one of the senior boy students had an affair with Miss Higginbottom!!!!
Mike of Marion
23 Feb 13 at 9:07 am
Have they tried reinstating the fag system?
ar
23 Feb 13 at 9:25 am
That reminds me – free the Crunk Bear!
Rabz
23 Feb 13 at 9:30 am
Gosh, ar, if I may call you that, we never got rid of the fag system. It is part and parcel of our pursuit of excellence.
Judith Sloan
23 Feb 13 at 9:43 am
The combination of French, PE and a name with bottom in it would have been an irresistible combination Mike.
Pickles
23 Feb 13 at 9:58 am
No wonder you get into such pickles at times, Pickles.
Elizabeth (Lizzie) B.
23 Feb 13 at 10:15 am
This has necessitated the school dropping French, PE, mathematics and Latin from our curriculum. But given that our students did not excel in any of those subjects, we feel that this decision will lead to signficant school improvement in 2013.
Adrien
23 Feb 13 at 10:18 am
Very clever, Judith! My understanding is that these “School Improvements Plans” are of major concern to non-government schools, on account of the increasing (and I’d say, unnecessary) regulatory burdens they entail.
Julie Novak
23 Feb 13 at 10:56 am
Julie-
You are right on the money. School improvement is a Orwellian term designed to obscure the agreed shift away from the transmission of content knowledge to the sociocultural interaction model. And it’s not just a feature in Australia. Much like Quality Assurance it is an international coercion mechanism.
Just ask the accreditation agencies among others.
I actually was going to joke before I saw your comment on the need to get a social and emotional curricula like Peaceable Classroom or PATHS, Promoting Alternative Thinking Strategies, to St Cyrils under the Positive School Culture/Mental Health First-Aid scam to change the nature of what goes on in the classroom.
The school improvement plans tend to push SEL curricula first and foremost under the rationale those are essential to academics. Instead they end up being a substitute.
Robin
23 Feb 13 at 12:00 pm
Jeeves clearly outsmarted the headmaster here – St Cyril’s is a dump and no doubt he has moved on to somewhere much more agreeable.
johanna
23 Feb 13 at 12:22 pm
Nothing sadder than references to children’s literature of bygone eras. Young ‘uns, this will be what Harry Potter is like in the year 2040.
Meanwhile I hope Judith Sloan will follow up with a border protection protection policy written by John, Susan, Titty, Roger, Nancy, Peggy and Captain Flint.
Grey
23 Feb 13 at 6:17 pm
Judith
You’re showing your age – or your background.
The term “Headmaster” went out yonks ago.
It’s still used in some
privatesubsidised schools.1735099
23 Feb 13 at 7:44 pm
Grey, the Swallows and the Amazons, being born of high IQ, upper middle class English parents who encouraged thier children in virtures such as self reliance, esprit de corps and leadership would be first class immigrants.
Don’t resent your betters, Grey, emulate them.
I’m reading the first volume to an 8 year old right now and we’ve decided that Titty will be pronounced TT. (JHC, what was her real name, to get a nickname like that!)
MT Isa Miner
25 Feb 13 at 9:08 am