Under the terms of the Gonski education reforms, I am pleased to submit the School Improvement Plan 2013 for St Cyril’s Boys’ School.
Last year’s performance was marred by some atrocious behaviour by Jeeves and Smyth. In order to improve our performance in 2013, we have decided to expel both Jeeves and Smyth.
The fact that Jeeves’ father, Sir Percy, has decided to sue the school and that Jeeves’ uncle is the presiding judge are unfortunate, but we will not flinch from our quest to improve our school’s performance in 2013, in keeping with the inspiring vision set out in the Gonski report.
The mental breadown of Miss Higginbottom, our French and PE teacher, also did not help. It turned out that she had become too close – if you know what I mean – to Mr “Twitter” Thwaites, our mathematics and Latin teacher.
We have therefore decided to terminate the services of both Miss Higginbottom and Twitter this year. This has necessitated the school dropping French, PE, mathematics and Latin from our curriculum. But given that our students did not excel in any of those subjects, we feel that this decision will lead to signficant school improvement in 2013.
I am assuming this plan is sufficient under the regulations imposed by the Commonwealth Department of Education and will be duly filed by some graduate clerk.
In due course … soon, we hope … we expect to receive additional funding because Jeeves’ brother and cousin are slow, to say the least. Quite THICK, in fact.
I remain, yours sincerely
Headmaster, St Cyril’s