Nick Cater is magnificent in The Australian today:
LIKE Tarzan, the feral child raised by the Mangani apes, Stephen Conroy ended his term as communications minister barely able to speak intelligible English.
He had, after all, spent much of the preceding six years entangled in the undergrowth of a dense technocratic jungle. His teachers belonged to a peculiar species of bureaucratic boffins cut off from the outside world.
While we live in homes, for example, they inhabit Standard Dwelling Units. We have streets, numbers and postcodes; they have Geocoded National Address Files.
To them, broadband is not just something hooked up to a computer but a 206,000km-long GPON, a Gigabyte-capable Passive Optical Network wired up to every GNAF in the country.
To us, a building that contains more than one GNAF is known as an apartment block. To them it is a Multiple Dwelling Unit, and it is here that installing the GPON gets tricky.
Wiring up a Brownfields MDU (what we might call an old block of flats) generally requires the co-operation of a body corporate, an organisation pathologically incapable of replacing a light bulb in the lobby, let alone installing Fibre Access Network Architecture (FANA) from an Optical Distribution Frame (ODF).
Curmudgeonly body corporates – or “frustrated MDUs” as they are technically known – were the bane of Conroy’s life until he resigned as communications minister in June.
That is genuinely laugh out loud stuff until you realise how much of our money was being spent on the NBN.