Amazingly the book is more plausible than the film

Went to see Noah last night. Let me put it this way. There was a chap named Noah and he had three sons named Shem, Ham and Japteth. There was a flood. As for the animals trooping in two by two, in over two hours that part might have taken up three minutes of movie time. But at least the film showed how Noah was able to find the labour needed to build a boat big enough to carry two of every kind of animal in the world. I can only think a film like this is possible today because no one any longer actually knows the story. More evidence, as if it were needed, that our Judeo-Christian culture will not hold and something else will be arriving very soon.

I’ll just mention that even though I have given away no plot details, I was reluctant to mention the film since most people haven’t seen it yet. But since Andrew Bolt and Gerard Henderson had a quick discussion this morning, why shouldn’t I? For what it’s worth, the critics at Rottentomatoes gave it 76% and the audience 53%. This is information you should know.

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126 Responses to Amazingly the book is more plausible than the film

  1. Greigoz

    The bit where the ARK turned out to be a spaceship, and ‘The Creator’ was an alien dressed in a hijab was a bit much.

  2. animals trooping in two by two

    So it didn’t have the clean animals trooping into the ark in sevens, then?
    Genesis 7.2:

    Of every clean beast thou shalt take to thee by sevens, the male and his female: and of beasts that are not clean by two, the male and his female.

  3. The_Consigleire

    More evidence, as if it were needed, that our Judeo-Christian culture will not hold and something else will be arriving very soon.

    Hopefully to be replaced by Western Enlightenment traditions of Bacon, Locke and you know, Science.

  4. Steve D

    Would anyone trust the Hollywood machine in its current guise to faithfully stick to the Judeo-Christian account?

  5. Nic

    I can’t believe that you can have a story from what us a holy book to a number of faiths, that is essentially about God’s relationship with man, that removes the God bit.

  6. stackja

    Steve D
    #1245087, posted on March 30, 2014 at 12:10 pm
    Would anyone trust the Hollywood machine in its current guise to faithfully stick to the Judeo-Christian account?

    No! Despite their foibles the Hollywood of the past produced many great Judeo-Christian films.

  7. I can’t believe that you can have a story from what is a holy book…

    Oh, I can—easily.

  8. Nic

    Yes Stack. I watched Ben Hur on Blue Ray last night. I was surprised at how Jesus was portrayed, given the heavy Jewish involvement in the film, it wasn’t as if they had to be positive.

  9. Gab

    Would anyone trust the Hollywood machine in its current guise to faithfully stick to the Judeo-Christian account?

    No but I’m still laughing at how Hollywood has managed to displease its Muslim mates causing them to issue a fatwa and ban the picture. By the way, Noah has prophet status in the koran. Still, I find it amusing muslims ban the picture but I don’t see the Pope calling for a ban. Just one of the many many differences between the two religions.

  10. entropy

    You should read the piffle in the SMH today regarding the resurgence in sword and sandal epics. Apparently Charlton Heston was used for Juda Ben Hur as it was more acceptable than an actual Jew, who were all in hiding because of all the unamerican activities targeting Jews so the Jews in Hollywood were keeping their heads down. Cecile B demille was a propagandising fascist republican, and 300 only got made as it was about getting back at the Iranians for 9/11.

  11. tgs

    I can only think a film like this is possible today because no one any longer actually knows the story. More evidence, as if it were needed, that our Judeo-Christian culture will not hold and something else will be arriving very soon.

    Oh come on, Steve.

    Hollywood has always been rewriting and reinterpreting both mythological and historical material for the sake of generating new stories for movies. Think ’300′ vs. the real history of the battle of Thermopylae, ‘Gladiator’ vs. the real history of the Roman Empire under Marcus Aurelius and Commodus, ‘Inglorious Basterds’ vs. the real history of WW2, etc. Those are just a few off the top of my head.

    And those are stories that are based on actual historical events, not religious mythology! Trying to claim that because the new movie about Noah doesn’t conform to the biblical narrative this signifies some imminent downfall of Western civilization and culture is just silly in my opinion.

    Your posting lately has started to take on a bit of a shrill, hyperbolic tone. Take a breath, relax. It’s all going to be OK.

  12. Good find Entropy. They also miss an obvious point about the resurgence in Biblical epics – the Bible offers good, simple stories that suggest obvious cinematic treatment. And – like the best dramatic stories- everyone knows them already so they have a strong tragic effect: you watch them knowing full well ‘oo-er, it’s not going to end well for *him*’, or ‘well they’ve got a surprise coming’. Or maybe ‘poor old Onan, you’re about to be made an example of’, etc.

    Come to think of in a biblical epic of Onan would offer an effective metaphor for our times.

  13. Mk50 of Brisbane, Henchman to the VRWC

    Local theatre reports people walking out, unable to stand how crappy it is. The theatre staff (friends of progeny the last) are telling people to watch other movies, and even these kids are saying it’s all cli-fi preachiness about Gaia and the greens.

    More evidence that the luvvies are now the establishment, and a bunch of the kids are rebelling against them.

  14. TerjeP

    I have not seen the movie. But I suspect the Biblical account is also a product of less than reliable retelling of old stories.

  15. Ant

    Ham? You mean, the Hammster?

  16. IMDB has some entertaining one-star reviews.

  17. Perth Trader

    Still, I find it amusing muslims ban the picture but I don’t see the Pope calling for a ban.

    The Arnie movie , “True Lies’ was banned in Indonesia , for reasons unknown . So I’m not sure if any of this means anything.

  18. Gab

    “True Lies’ was banned in Indonesia , for reasons unknown .

    Unknown to you. It was banned becuase it offended muslim sensitives concerning jihad.

  19. Perth Trader

    There ya go. I knew there’d be someone who had the answer. Jihad is a very personal and at times dangerous discovery.

  20. will

    Total spoiler, for those who do not wish to give their hard earned to pay for Hollywood trash movies.

  21. Cato the Elder

    More evidence that the luvvies are now the establishment, and a bunch of the kids are rebelling against them.

    Oh yes indeedy. Makes me chuckle to hear what the target audience has to say about the preaching.

  22. cuckoo

    Haven’t seen it, but I wonder about the plausibility of a screenplay which has a pre-industrial society somehow capable of ‘ravaging’ the planet. Such as to bring down the wrath of the ‘Creator’. Originally, the flood was a punishment for old-fashioned immorality and sinfulness. Now, of course, the ultimate sin is not against God or fellow-men, but against the ‘Environment’. And how do they deal with the fact that Noah has to cut down a medium-sized forest to build the Ark? Presumably he bought a million shekels’ worth of offsets from Al Gore. Shame, because Aronofsky’s earlier film The Wrestler is absolutely brilliant.

  23. Chris M

    More evidence, as if it were needed, that our Judeo-Christian culture will not hold and something else will be arriving very soon.

    Indeed, I also believe He will be showing up again soon Steve…. sort out this sorry mess. Matthew 24v27

    Later will come the global warming – 2 Peter 3v10 “But the day of the Lord will come as a thief, in which the heavens will pass away with a rushing noise, and the elements, burning with heat, shall be dissolved, and the earth and the works in it shall be burnt up.”

  24. Talleyrand

    Hollywood never handles the stories from the Ballad of Gilgamesh very well.

  25. I have not seen the movie. But I suspect the Biblical account is also a product of less than reliable retelling of old stories.

    Terje, undoubtedly there will be a few who will go in expecting no less than documentary footage of a verifiable historical document, but the rest of us ought to be able to cope with a few new fictional twists on a very old story ;)

  26. mundi

    Whats really pisses me off is that there is so much great history of man kind and almost unlimited stories to tell. Yet 99% of block buster movies are either make believe sci-fi or supernatural B.S. And those that are supposedly real, wipe their asses all over the history books.

    oh well thats what the free market wants

  27. hzhousewife

    I really enjoyed the Joanna Lumley’s “The Search for Noah’s Ark” which was on
    the ABC over the last 2 week, it was informative, calm, presented very sensibly
    and I learned a lot.
    Sounds like the movie “Noah” would make me thow up.

  28. davey street

    I would prefer to die and go to heaven before I paid money to see such unutterable garbage as a Hollywood version of Noah. The sequel will be Jesus starring Barrack Hussein Obama with Julia Gillard as his lover Mary.

  29. Up The Workers!

    You sure the sons weren’t called: “Larry, Moe and Curley Joe”?

    I thought “Shemp” was the one who eventually replaced “Curley Joe”.

    Anyway, it sounds like their unions were definitely NOT controlled by crooked, bludging embezzlers from the A.L.P. or A.C.T.U., so I take it they must have stowed all the critters in shipping freight containers. Might be worth a look, just to see what a 7,000 year old forklift truck and overhead cranes looked like in those days.

    If unions were involved, who was in charge of the drug smuggling, theft-to-order and shooting rival members of the “Painters and Dockers” or “Waterside Workers’ Federation”?

    Did “Professor” Flim Flannery of the notorious University of Adelaide get a bit part role? As a ‘mammalian palaeontologist’ and expert on coprolites, he would have been right in his element following the critters about with a shovel and broom.

  30. Baldrick

    Hollywood meets Noah … then systematically dissects him into 3 minute politically correct sound-bites.
    No thanks.

  31. braddles

    The Flood story is not originally a Biblical story. The story was floating around Babylon (so to speak) a thousand years before anyone started on the Bible (such in the epic of Gilgamesh). The story was picked up by the Israelites when they were shunted off to Babylon, with Yahweh superimposed on the narrative to give it a moral dimension.

    There is no creator God in the original story, so I reckon that removing Him from the story is artistically valid.

  32. Ellen of Tasmania

    Noah’s Ark in Today’s Society…

    The Lord speaks to Noah and says: “In one year, I am going to make it rain and cover the whole Earth with water until all is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on the Earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark.”

    In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark.

    Fearful and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the Ark.

    “Remember,” said the Lord, “You must complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in one year.”

    Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud formed and all the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw Noah sitting in his front yard weeping.

    “Noah.” He shouted, “Where is the Ark?”

    “Lord, please forgive me!” cried Noah. “I did my best but there were big problems. First, I had to get a permit for construction and your plans did not comply with the codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the plans.

    Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system and floatation devices.

    Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning commission.

    I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the U.S. Forest Service that I needed the wood to save the owls.

    However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won’t let me catch any owls. So, no owls.

    The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Union. Now I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls.

    When I started rounding up the other animals, I got sued by an animal rights group. They objected to me only taking two of each kind aboard.

    Just when I got the suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn’t take very kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the universe.

    Then the Army Corps of Engineer demanded a map of the proposed new flood plain. I sent them a globe.

    Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing discrimination by not taking godless, unbelieving people aboard!

    The IRS has seized all my assets, claiming that I’m building the Ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes.

    I just got a notice from the State that I owe some kind of user tax and failed to register the Ark as a ‘recreational water craft.’

    Finally the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against further construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it is a religious event and therefore unconstitutional.

    I really don’t think I can finish the Ark for another 5 or 6 years!” Noah wailed.

    The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the seas began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky.

    Noah looked up hopefully. “You mean you are not going to destroy the Earth, Lord?”

    “No,” said the Lord sadly. “The government already has.”

  33. Zaphod

    Sounds like the movie “Noah” would make me thow up.

    Then you’d better steeer clear of Ridley Scott’s Moses movie , “Exodus” released later this year.
    Not too sure how the god of the Old Testament can be portrayed on the big screen without a lot of violence and blood when it comes to the Moses story. Perhaps an “R” rating?
    Exodus 32:27-29
    New International Version (NIV)
    27 Then he said to them, “This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: ‘Each man strap a sword to his side. Go back and forth through the camp from one end to the other, each killing his brother and friend and neighbor.’” 28 The Levites did as Moses commanded, and that day about three thousand of the people died. 29 Then Moses said, “You have been set apart to the Lord today, for you were against your own sons and brothers, and he has blessed you this day.”

  34. Fleeced

    I’m looking forward to Noah 2, where somebody questions the seaworthiness of our hero’s new ark, and he says, “Where we’re going, we don’t need water” and flies off into the distance.

    Let’s be honest, the original source material is pretty absurd anyway – but they’re trying to have it both ways here – a biblical spic that doesn’t mention God.

  35. Splatacrobat

    Think ’300′ vs. the real history of the battle of Thermopylae, ‘Gladiator’ vs. the real history of the Roman Empire under Marcus Aurelius and Commodus, ‘Inglorious Basterds’ vs. the real history of WW2, etc. Those are just a few off the top of my head.

    If the story of Lot was made today Hollywood would portray Lot as a bigoted gay hater and the good burghers of Sodom fine upstanding citizens who were only seeking equal rights. Turning Lot’s wife into a pillar of salt was her punishment for not following the decree of her misogynistic uncaring God who would rather see her children sodomised than some imaginary human right oppressing Angels who were witnessing outside a gay bathhouse.

  36. Viva


    Even if you don’t know what you want,
    buy something, to be part of the exchanging flow.

    Start a huge, foolish project,
    like Noah.

    It makes absolutely no difference
    what people think of you.

    Rumi, ‘We Are Three’, from the Mathnawi

  37. Fleeced

    LOL. I justs read the link to the full spoilers… OK, the bible version is plausible by comparison.

  38. Fleeced

    If the story of Lot was made today Hollywood would portray Lot as a bigoted gay hater and the good burghers of Sodom fine upstanding citizens who were only seeking equal rights.

    You’re right, they would… but then didn’t Lot go on to impregnate his daughters?

  39. Crossie

    More evidence that the luvvies are now the establishment, and a bunch of the kids are rebelling against them.

    The kids’ rebellion is inevitable particularly when nothing is forbidden except to be a climate change skeptic.

    I remember well the lure of the forbidden, as a teenager I was determined to read ‘Carpetbaggers’ because it was banned for a while.

  40. Yobbo

    The Arnie movie , “True Lies’ was banned in Indonesia , for reasons unknown . So I’m not sure if any of this means anything.

    The bad guys in “True Lies” were palestinian muslim terrorists. The “crimson jihad”. Probably the last example of a movie that was willing to cast muslims as the bad guys. That’s probably why.

  41. Yobbo

    By the way, I’m not sure why Christians would be upset about the film. Surely making movies of biblical stories has some marketing effect even if god wasn’t mentioned.

    Lots of bible stories are pretty entertaining even without the religious aspect. Many of them have already been adapted, although some are unrecognisable. E.G. Logan’s Run, Star Wars, Harry Potter, the Lion King etc are all pretty strong biblical allegories.

  42. Fleeced

    Probably the last example of a movie that was willing to cast muslims as the bad guys.

    That reminds me of the series 24… I think about season 3 (can’t remember – not long before I stopped watching), they had a smiling Kiefer Sutherland pop up during the ad break, smiling to the camera and giving a personal message that, “Hey – this is just a work of fiction… Not all muslims are bad mm’kay? Islam is a religion of peace”

    I had to LOL .

  43. Fleeced

    Many of them have already been adapted, although some are unrecognisable.

    The Hero With a Thousand Faces.

  44. Yobbo

    Logan’s Run is pretty much a sci-fi retelling of the exodus, for example.

  45. srr

    Oh enough of that modern age, Gilgamesh bs.

    Kinds, not species; in the age of the super continent, that didn’t even start to divide into separate continents until long after the age of Noah.

    Bears, dogs, otters et al, all being members of only one branch of one animal family kind, and like countless modern types, of different kinds of animals, didn’t come anywhere near existing then, in the age of that one land mass that rose out of the water covered globe, we interestingly call earth.

    If this terribly over the top, Greenie Religion preaching movie, “Noah”, does cause people to argue and review what The Book of Genesis actually describes of the earth’s history, Good!

    Hopefully more people will notice other recent discoveries of the world’s most ancient history that ‘Those Old Books’, miraculously described – like an age of life existing on earth, before oxygen formed.

    No, mankind did not invent God.
    But, from the beginning, mankind has been trying to contract and squeeze God into mans limited understanding, and then blaming and hating God for not fitting into mans grossly limited perceptions.

  46. Zaphod

    srr

    Kinds, not species; in the age of the super continent, that didn’t even start to divide into separate continents until long after the age of Noah.

    The Creation Museum In Kentucky disagrees with you – see #2
    http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/things-i-learned-at-the-creation-museum?s=mobile

  47. Peredur

    Deadman is on to it. There are two classes of passenger, the clean and the unclean, the clean enter in sevens. the unclean in twos. Why seven? Because Noah will offer a thanks-sacrifice of one of each clean specimen after the flood. The movie has been called the least biblical of biblical epics, and one can see why, any co-incidence of movie and Genesis is purely incidental. Anyone knowing Genesis will be shocked at what is in it, and equally, at what is left out.

  48. Zaphod

    If this terribly over the top, Greenie Religion preaching movie, “Noah”, does cause people to argue and review what The Book of Genesis actually describes of the earth’s history, Good!

    Oops.
    Did I just get sucked in to a Poe’s Law situation?

  49. Toiling Mass

    The kids’ rebellion is inevitable particularly when nothing is forbidden except to be a climate change skeptic.

    I’ll bet that on other blogsites the fallible orthographic pedant with a freaking anecdote for everything (including ark-building, no doubt) tells of detaining kids he caught behind the bike sheds laughing about thermogeddon and climate modelling.

  50. David Palmer

    More evidence, as if it were needed, that our Judeo-Christian culture will not hold and something else will be arriving very soon

    Might require a bit more than a Hollywood film to do the job, not that that will happen anytime soon. Just returned from Nepal where I heard from the locals there are now a million Christians where 50 years ago there were none. Christianity worldwide, despite atheist fanticising, is far from dead. Atheism only gets a run in the effete West.

  51. David

    Is it true that Tim “Flim Flam” Flannery is a descendant of Noah?

    I mean he ticks all the boxes. Rising sea levels, species extinction, sea level property – I think we owe him a little more [dis]respect.

  52. Tel

    Logan’s Run is pretty much a sci-fi retelling of the exodus, for example.

    Egypt was in the business of killing everyone older than age 30?

    I never knew that.

  53. Yobbo

    Kinds, not species; in the age of the super continent, that didn’t even start to divide into separate continents until long after the age of Noah.

    lol

    you just plumbed new depths of stupid

  54. killing everyone older than age 30?

    Only twenty-one in the book—which is set on Mars.

  55. Yobbo

    Egypt was in the business of killing everyone older than age 30?

    I never knew that.

    In the first half of the story, the society that Logan lives in pre-rebellion is meant to be an allegory for the innocence of Eden and his discovery of the true nature of “Carousel” the equivalent of the eating from the tree of knowledge of good and evil.

    His first escape from the compound where he meets the old man (who bears a stunning resemblance to classical renditions of the Christian god) who teaches him the true nature of human existence and morality is an allegory for Moses’ encounter with the burning bush.

    He then leads his people from enslavement to the promised land (sanctuary).

  56. caveman

    Sounds like a rip off of Schindler’s List. ;^)

  57. Demosthenes

    Are you serious, srr?

  58. Chris

    I have not seen the movie. But I suspect the Biblical account is also a product of less than reliable retelling of old stories.

    That is what quite odd about the movie. When I heard about the movie I had assumed it was probably aimed at the fundamentalist Christians and I think there’s probably a decent enough money there for that kind of movie. I haven’t seen the movie, but a friend has and from what she has said about it I’d guess that fundamentalists would be really quite upset about the intepretation and its more suited to Christians who don’t believe in a literal interpretation of the Old Testament. Still seems to be doing pretty well ($50m in the US in the opening weekend) though I’d guess there’s people going just because of the main actors.

  59. Yobbo

    I assume it’s at least as true to the original legend as the Russell Crowe version of Robin Hood.

  60. stackja

    Yobbo
    #1245474, posted on March 30, 2014 at 7:34 pm
    I assume it’s at least as true to the original legend as the Russell Crowe version of Robin Hood.

    God alone knows.

  61. Splatacrobat

    I asked Tony Abbott if God is mentioned in the Noah movie and he said “Unfortunately no”.

  62. Splatacrobat

    Labor are going to make an allegorical story about the prodigal son. In their version Craig Thomson is the prodigal son. Unfortunately he never returns, the father is stuck having to pay his legal bills, and they couldn’t find anyone to play the other son because he would have to be hard working and righteous.

  63. Splatacrobat

    The Life of Brian was closer to scripture than Noah.

  64. Julian mclaren

    It’s a crap movie. That’s all.

  65. Tim

    I found the movie OK in parts. If you can suspend your disbelief at various points – like the technological civilization rising and falling so fast, the ecological destruction being hammered home, and of course the bad-guys just sitting around waiting to attack the ark rather than building their own boats. And other than that last point, (sitting around, not building a boat), I was largely cheering on the King and his “We are men, earning a living by the sweat of our brows, defying the creator”, rather than the religious nutter Noah. But I wouldn’t say it was a terrible movie.

    Maybe the fact that it was the first time we’d been to a movie in a year or so (since our son was born) that made it seem better?

  66. Crossie

    Christianity worldwide, despite atheist fanticising, is far from dead. Atheism only gets a run in the effete West.

    I read somewhere not that long ago that in future Africa and Asia will be sending Christian missionaries to the Godless West.

  67. Oh, just rent Evan Almighty. A much better movie if you want to see what God’s like.

  68. I read somewhere not that long ago that in future Africa and Asia will be sending Christian missionaries to the Godless West.

    They already are. Every fourth or fifth priest you see in Australia is Filipino or African.

  69. Crossie

    Oh, just rent Evan Almighty. A much better movie if you want to see what God’s like.

    Philippa, agreed. I loved that movie.

  70. JohnA

    Yobbo #1245295, posted on March 30, 2014 at 4:52 pm

    By the way, I’m not sure why Christians would be upset about the film. Surely making movies of biblical stories has some marketing effect even if god wasn’t mentioned.

    Lots of bible stories are pretty entertaining even without the religious aspect. Many of them have already been adapted, although some are unrecognisable. E.G. Logan’s Run, Star Wars, Harry Potter, the Lion King etc are all pretty strong biblical allegories.

    Chuckle…Yobbo, you should try for The Last Laugh

  71. dover_beach

    I’m not sure about this business of God not being mentioned given the constant reference to the Creator. I saw it, not bad, 6/10.

  72. dover_beach

    If these movies are biblical allegories, then they’re entertaining in part because of the religious aspect.

  73. Cold-Hands

    Funny that they made Ham the evil son. Traditionally, Ham gave rise to the African peoples. Surely Japeth (ancestor of the North Europeans) should have been the power-mad one. Or is Aronofsky a waaaacist? :^)

  74. Gab

    That film looks marvelous, Grigory. Thanks.

  75. A Lurker

    The Flood story is not originally a Biblical story. The story was floating around Babylon (so to speak) a thousand years before anyone started on the Bible (such in the epic of Gilgamesh). The story was picked up by the Israelites when they were shunted off to Babylon, with Yahweh superimposed on the narrative to give it a moral dimension.

    I hate to rain on anyone’s biblical parade, but I suspect the whole flood mythology is an ancient racial memory from Paleolithic times when at the ending of the last ice-age, the previously frozen waters melted and flooded various dried out areas.

  76. JohnA

    Lurker:

    “I hate to rain on anyone’s biblical parade, but I suspect the whole flood mythology is an ancient racial memory from Paleolithic times when at the ending of the last ice-age, the previously frozen waters melted and flooded various dried out areas.”

    LOL!

    Lurker, that’s even less plausible than this stupid and crappy film. You should join Yobbo at The Last Laugh

  77. A Lurker

    Why it is less plausible? Humans were around during the last ice-age, they would have seen melt-water inundate lands that (in their lifetimes) were once dry due to all the fresh (and much of salt water) being locked up in the great icesheets. I mean, the entire English channel was dry during the last ice-age, as was parts of the Mediterranean. During the warming, such deluges and flood events would have been seared into their minds, and stories would have been told about it and passed down during the later Neolithic period – the time when the planet warmed, and people discovered agriculture, settled down into permanent villages, and (in their spare time) created the proto-versions of the religions we have today. Not understanding ice-ages and interglacial periods, I’m sure the ancient priests would have taken these archaic stories and turned them into cautionary tales of how the wrath of God descended upon those who sinned.

  78. Denise

    Chris M
    #1245192, posted on March 30, 2014 at 2:17 pm

    More evidence, as if it were needed, that our Judeo-Christian culture will not hold and something else will be arriving very soon.

    Indeed, I also believe He will be showing up again soon Steve…. sort out this sorry mess. Matthew 24v27

    Later will come the global warming – 2 Peter 3v10 “But the day of the Lord will come as a thief, in which the heavens will pass away with a rushing noise, and the elements, burning with heat, shall be dissolved, and the earth and the works in it shall be burnt up.”

    Yes, spoken by a fishermen when there was no local or global knowledge of stoichiometry. How do modern atheists and ‘scientists’ explain that away?

    In the Koran Eden will be restored when every Jew is dead.

    Hamas enshrines this religious teaching in its Charter:
    Article 7:
    “Hamas has been looking forward to implementing Allah’s promise, whatever time it might take. The prophet [Muhammad] said: ‘The time (of Resurrection) will not come until Muslims will fight the Jews; until the Jews hide behind rocks and trees, which will cry: 0 Muslim! there is a Jew hiding behind me, come and kill him!’” Sahih Muslim, Book 41, Number 6985]

    The Bible says the kings of the Middle East will be bringing gifts, but no myrrh this time, to the King of the Jews, in Jerusalem. Isaiah 60. I look forward to that day.

    I went to see this film with previous epics like ‘Ben Hur’ and ‘The Ten Commandments’ in mind, and was amazed at the perverse genius of the director in thoroughly mutilating the Biblical account.

    Oh brother, we Christians are supposed to be censorious fundamentalists but this Green Noah leaves us all standing.

    When he isn’t growling about how humans are not supposed to get another chance because of all the animals, he’s trying to slaughter his granddaughters. The Ark is a sort of Rainbow Warrior devised by the Creator (Gaia’s Force?) to save all the animals in danger of extinction by predatory man. Surprisingly we weren’t shown polar bears getting into the Ark.

    If there’s one book the director ignored it was the Bible, instead he ransacked The Greatest Films of the 20th Century 101 or some such.

    A postmodern smorgasbord of myth and fantasy, there’s something for everyone; Methusaleh played by Anthony Hopkins as a geriatric hybrid of Yoda and Obi Wan Kenobi who is finally beamed up to heaven through a magic berry; Noah as Jack Nicholson in ‘The Shining’ and the endless protracted cries of Emma Watson – typical lefty female; no stoicism whatsoever – as she gives birth apparently to two pumpkins; 6 people on the ark instead of 8 and to cap it all Tubal Cain stows away on board and corrupts Ham before dying violently at Noah’s hand.

    The line of Noah and Seth drapes their arms in snakeskin – ? The snake is identified as the enemy in the Bible. Joseph Campbell (the hero with a thousand faces) and Jung both noticed that all rebellious indigenous religions, ancient and modern, see the serpent as a sort of Prometheus figure, and they thoroughly approved, in fact these two made idolatry respectable to the anthropomorphic chatterati.

    In the movie the Ark was actually built by fallen angels who were thrown to earth and then turned into hulking stone figures. As a reward for their aid they were let back into heaven. Jude makes clear that there is no redemption for fallen angels.

    The only redeeming feature was that the Ark was depicted according to the description in the Bible, as a long rectangular vessel rather than an upturned, many-windowed basin with giraffes retching over the side. The special effects were excellent too, and I was at a very modern cinema with lots of leg room so that was good.

    But as Helmut Thielicke pointed out so many years ago, sophisticated technology doesn’t make up for unintelligent content.

    It’s only by God’s grace that the whole cast and crew weren’t struck by lightning.

    One Christian lady at the theatre warbled to me that, “God doesn’t deal with people like that any more”.

    I think she is going to be in for a surprise, according to 2 Peter 3.

  79. None

    The old Hollywood Bible epics were not ‘true’ to the story but rollicking good fun. This is just another apocalyptic (but not in the Biblical sense of the term) Malthusian yawn.

    By the way Deadman. There are two flood stories in the Bible woven together. And yes they likely go back to very old mythical traditions.

  80. Yes, None, and two creation stories as well.

  81. None

    Actually three major creation stories (you forgot Job) and lots of references to others

  82. entropy

    It is quite possible it is related to racial memories of the warming at the end of the last. Ice age, when the med flooded. But it could be more recent, and Ararat related, if you consider the more recent flooding of the Black Sea.

  83. You’re right, None; I accidentally omitted the words “in Genesis”, for I’m aware of the other accounts of creationin Psalms, etc. Still, I’ve read Genesis and thereby know, for example, that Adam and Eve were not expelled for “man’s first disobedience” and that Noah had minimal assistance from hexabracchial bioliths.

  84. Fleeced

    Racial memories… ugh.

    People love to over-analyse things, but big floods are pretty common. Not surprising there’s several ancient stories involving them – that doesn’t mean they’re all referring to the same event.

  85. LoTR more biblical than Anglo-Celtic mythology? Sounds like LoTR is more good vs evil in the tradition sense than Noah.

  86. Stan

    tgs: “It’s all going to be OK.”

    Not if our judges and other powerful people infesting our institutions (at our expense) have so far departed from Judeo-Christian values that they think it is now okay to steal children because of cultural differences.

    http://www.geelongadvertiser.com.au/news/crime-court/all-charges-dropped-against-registered-sex-offencer/story-fnjuhoxe-1226838013886

  87. tgs

    Not if our judges and other powerful people infesting our institutions (at our expense) have so far departed from Judeo-Christian values that they think it is now okay to steal children because of cultural differences.

    If only Hollywood would pump out more movies that are true to the mythological narratives presented in the bible.

    Then things like that would never happen!

  88. Kruddler

    Anyone see Quo Vadis on free-to-air late Saturday afternoon?

  89. bel Marduk

    There are quite a few mesopotamian precursors to Noah. Utnapishtim, Ziusudra, Atrahasis.

    And it was a few gods that saved him. Enki mainly, but also Anu and Enlil.

    http://www.britannica.com/EBchecked/topic/657605/Ziusudra

  90. Zaphod

    It’s only by God’s grace that the whole cast and crew weren’t struck by lightning.

    One Christian lady at the theatre warbled to me that, “God doesn’t deal with people like that any more”.

    Aren’t most of us going to find ourselves being tortured for eternity in the lake of fire?

  91. Gab

    Aren’t most of us going to find ourselves being tortured for eternity in the lake of fire?

    Yes and the rest of us will be using the heat you generate to toast our marshmallows.

  92. Bear Necessities

    I think Chuck Norris would of been a better Noah.

  93. Mr Rusty

    I’m with Lurker and Entropy, the flood(s) was a natural event embellished over many generations of Chinese whisper story-telling. Might even have been a tsunami. Noah was just the worlds first zoo keeper who had the foresight to build on high ground and in a “told ya so” night at the local tavern many years later claimed God had commanded his every action to big himself up.

  94. Is it true that God punishes the main character in the movie by causing him to mumble and almost lose the power of speech?

  95. Denise

    Deadman
    #1246109, posted on March 31, 2014 at 9:38 am

    You’re right, None; I accidentally omitted the words “in Genesis”, for I’m aware of the other accounts of creationin Psalms, etc. Still, I’ve read Genesis and thereby know, for example, that Adam and Eve were not expelled for “man’s first disobedience” and that Noah had minimal assistance from hexabracchial bioliths.

    Ahahahahah. English is the best language in the world for precision if one knows the classical languages.

  96. Denise

    Zaphod
    #1246167, posted on March 31, 2014 at 10:17 am

    It’s only by God’s grace that the whole cast and crew weren’t struck by lightning.

    One Christian lady at the theatre warbled to me that, “God doesn’t deal with people like that any more”.

    Aren’t most of us going to find ourselves being tortured for eternity in the lake of fire?

    C S Lewis wrote that the chief emotion for the first 1000 years of those sent to hell will be incredulity.

    The passage below is a hard saying, terrifying, but it’s in the Bible. Jesus spent more time talking about hell than heaven, not because He was given to schadenfreude – it is forbidden in Proverbs – but because He didn’t want humankind to go there.

    2 “As the new heavens and the new earth that I make will endure before me,” declares the Lord, “so will your name and descendants endure. 23 From one New Moon to another and from one Sabbath to another, all mankind will come and bow down before me,” says the Lord. 24 “And they will go out and look on the dead bodies of those who rebelled against me; the worms that eat them will not die, the fire that burns them will not be quenched, and they will be loathsome to all mankind.” Isaiah 66.

    Mind you, I wouldn’t mind seeing some of those judges who keep forgiving paedophiles on our behalf catching it hot. They seemingly think that us having a bad attitude towards them is the real sin.

  97. Yobbo

    There is a very persuasive argument that the original flood mythologies are based on the oral history of the original inundation of what is now called the Mediterranean sea.

  98. Cold-Hands

    I thought it was inundation of the Black Sea.

  99. JC

    Yobbo

    You’re a bible historian now?The inundation of the med possibly occurred scores of thousands of years ago, and it wouldn’t have been a flash flood either, but a gradual event.

  100. Yobbo

    JC, you’re a geologist now?

  101. Yobbo

    The inundation of the med possibly occurred scores of thousands of years ago

    As did Noah’s flood.

  102. JC

    Noah’s flood is bullshit, yobbo.

    I’m enough of a freaking geologist to know the med didn’t flood in several human generations.

  103. Zaphod

    Gab

    Aren’t most of us going to find ourselves being tortured for eternity in the lake of fire?

    Yes and the rest of us will be using the heat you generate to toast our marshmallows.

    Oh, so you subscribe to the Augustine and Aquinas assertion that one of the joys of being in heaven was witnessing the torment and torture of the damned.
    Charming.

  104. JC

    Yobbo

    The med to me doesn’t look like it was created in some sort of depression. In fact if I recall the theory is that the med is the residual of what’s left from the African and Asian/Eurasian continents closing up … Getting closer together.

  105. .

    Oh, so you subscribe to the Augustine and Aquinas assertion that one of the joys of being in heaven was witnessing the torment and torture of the damned.
    Charming.

    Citation please.

    JC – refilling the Med has conflicting evidence

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zanclean_flood

  106. Fleeced

    I can see why people try to tie flood myths like Noah into known historical events, but it’s a mug’s game. It’s not unlike those people trying to come up with scientific explanations for parting of the Red Sea, or suggesting the alleged Bethlehem star was a comet, etc…

  107. Gab

    Oh, so you subscribe to the Augustine and Aquinas assertion that one of the joys of being in heaven was witnessing the torment and torture of the damned.

    Just one of the perks of hovering around in Heaven.

  108. Infidel Tiger

    It might be a bastardisation of a cool Biblical story, but at the end of the day all that matters is that it makes money and it’s making shitloads:

    http://www.breitbart.com/Big-Hollywood/2014/03/30/noah-internationa-success-yieds-more-bible

    I could never really get my head around the story of Noah getting absolutely wankered and making a tool of himself. Perhaps that will be the sequel.

  109. JC

    If true, that was some fucking flood, Dot. That’s what I would call a sea level rise, not this betaized and sissy .1 cm per decade bullshit.

  110. Fleeced

    If true, that was some fucking flood, Dot. That’s what I would call a sea level rise, not this betaized and sissy .1 cm per decade bullshit.

    Atlantis caused massive global warming, JC – they were way ahead of us!

  111. Chris M

    Aren’t most of us going to find ourselves being tortured for eternity in the lake of fire?

    Doesn’t have to be, doesn’t have to be…

    On the other hand this is looking like a good film: God’s not dead.

  112. .

    “betaised”

    What a great expression.

  113. Zaphod

    dot

    Oh, so you subscribe to the Augustine and Aquinas assertion that one of the joys of being in heaven was witnessing the torment and torture of the damned.
    Charming.

    Citation please.

    Augustine noted that – “the unjust will burn to some extent so that all the just in the Lord may see the joys they receive and in those may look upon the punishments which they have evaded”
    . Augustine, “On the Sacraments of the Christian Faith” 2.18.2 as noted by Pinnock in Gundry and Crockett, op. cit., note 1, p. 155.

    “The sight of their suffering increased the pleasure of those saints because they could see divine justice in operation, making their own bliss all the sweeter by contrast.”
    . Crockett in Gundry and Crockett, op. cit., note 1, p. 47, who cites Thomas Aquinas, Summa Theologica, Supp. to Third Part, Q. 94, art 1,3; cf. Augustine, City of God, 20.22.

  114. .

    Zaph

    Is that in purgatory or forever in hell? You seem to be an expert on these things.

  115. Gab

    What??? There’s no mention of a never-ending supply of free marshmallows for those in Heaven! Ripped off!! Austerity sux.

  116. Grigory M

    WTF? It’s just a movie FFS. Fantasy, a work of fiction. Like the Bible on which it might be in part be loosely based. A visual spectacle to allow those who feel so inclined to while away a few hours not connected to reality. You know – entertainment. Who gives a fuck if it accurately reflects Judeo-Christian values or is full of subliminal and or/overt messages about some-fucking-thing-or-other? Licence is and has been taken by writers and cinematographers forever and a day. Lighten up. It’s just a fucking movie.

  117. JohnA

    Grigory M #1246845, posted on March 31, 2014 at 7:12 pm

    WTF? It’s just a movie FFS. Fantasy, a work of fiction.

    Exactly, and it should carry the same caveat:
    “Any resemblance between the events and characters portrayed, and any real event or actual person, alive or dead, is purely coincidental”.

  118. JohnA

    Lurker your explanation is self-contradictory.

    You claim that the Ice Age/s were vividly burned into the psyches of the people, but the priests of their later proto-religions didn’t have a clue and therefore mythologised them?

    Definitely The Last Laugh for you.

  119. tgs

    “Any resemblance between the events and characters portrayed, and any real event or actual person, alive or dead, is purely coincidental”.

    Please tell me you aren’t implying that the flood myth from the bible was a real event…

  120. tgs

    WTF? It’s just a movie FFS. Fantasy, a work of fiction. Like the Bible on which it might be in part be loosely based. A visual spectacle to allow those who feel so inclined to while away a few hours not connected to reality. You know – entertainment. Who gives a fuck if it accurately reflects Judeo-Christian values or is full of subliminal and or/overt messages about some-fucking-thing-or-other? Licence is and has been taken by writers and cinematographers forever and a day. Lighten up. It’s just a fucking movie.

    Hear, hear.

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