This is very funny – hey all of us Cats could be high-paid management consultants.
1. “What’s the so-what?”
Translation: How is this analysis useful?
Real meaning: You’re one up on me because you’ve done a ton of complex analysis and I haven’t. Allow me to reassert my authority by challenging you to explain the purpose, and implying that while you are living inside a spreadsheet, I’m actually living in the real world.
Example: “OK, so you’ve found that the client sells more beer in Australia than in New Zealand. But what’s the so-what?”2. “MECE”
Translation: Mutually Exclusive and Completely Exhaustive.
Real meaning: Tell me you haven’t missed something big in your analysis that is going to bite us in the heiny.
Example: “Have you checked your analysis for MECE-ness?”
3. “Quick wins”
Translation: Easy cost savings we can show the client as soon as possible to justify our fees.
Real meaning: Lay-offs.
Example: “The entire Cleveland operation is a quick win.”
4. “Low-hanging fruit.”
Translation: Really quick wins.
Real meaning: Completely useless client operations and staff that even a child could lay off.
Example: “Boy, that guy Bob in accounts is low-hanging fruit.”
5. “Directionally correct.”
Translation: The analysis is correct in its broad conclusions.
Real meaning: The analysis is incorrect in some of its numbers.
Example: “Let’s not get hung up too much on the details. The analysis is directionally correct.”
6. “The right road, but the wrong direction.”
Translation: The analysis is asking the right questions.
Real meaning: The analysis is wrong, and one of the consultants is going to be fired.
Example: “We found the right road, but we took the wrong direction.”
7. “At least we now have a better idea of the questions.”
Translation: The next stage of analysis is going to add value.
Real meaning: The analysis just finished is so completely wrong that we can’t even claim it is directionally correct, or even that we found the right road.
Example: “OK, so’re going to have to go back and do this again. But at least now we have a better idea of the questions.”
8. “We’ve left that open.”Translation: We haven’t answered that question yet.
Real meaning: We don’t know. In fact until you asked we hadn’t even thought about it.
Example: “How will this impact the new product launch? We’ve left that open.”
9. “Boiling the ocean.”
Translation: Doing a lot of analysis.
Real meaning: We’re so busy in meetings we really want to economize on the amount of actual analysis have to do.
Example: “You don’t need to look at the cost structure of each of the operations. Don’t boil the ocean.”
Real meaning: The consultant is so insecure he is afraid of using a simple word like “change.”
Example: “It’s going to be hotter tomorrow than today? What’s the delta?”
11. “On the beach.”
Translation: Between projects. (Has nothing to do with any actual beach)
Real meaning: No other consultant wants me on their project.
Example: “I’ve just spent a couple of weeks on the beach.”
12. “Peeling the onion.”
Translation: Doing deeper and deeper analysis.
Real meaning: We’re still trying to understand the client.
Example: “We’ll get a better idea of that once we peel the onion a bit more.”
Real meaning: The consultant is so insecure he is afraid of the simple word “details.”
Example: “Let’s see if we can get a little more granularity on that.”
14. “Version 2.0.”
Translation: A new version.
Real meaning: The first version didn’t work.
Example: “We want version 2.0 of this.”
Translation: In Production Mode.
Real meaning: It’s not finished yet.
Example: “That latest analysis? Don’t worry, it’s IPM.”