There is a new diet out there projected to lead to sustainable weight loss.
Your intrepid analyst here has developed a model that shows that eating half a litre of ice cream and half a pack of Tim-Tams every night will lead to solid and consistent weight loss.
Unlike other models quoted recently (inc Finkel, Gonski), the Spartacus model will disclose, up front, the key assumptions. The key assumptions being that for the purposes of the model, it is assumed that the caloric value of ice cream and Tim Tams in NIL and it is further assumed that ice cream and Tim Tams enhance human fat burning.
The model has been peer reviewed. Spartacus has some friends and peers (Crixus, Gannicus, Castus and Oenomaus) who have reviewed the model. Their qualifications are that they are known to Spartacus and like ice cream and Tim Tams. Fortunately these peers have accepted the underlying assumptions and have agreed with the models conclusions.
Spartacus’ next stop is to try to set up an ice cream and Tim Tam factory (hopefully Arnotts will give the licence). Given the clear public policy benefits of everyone eating ice cream and Tim Tams, the model clearly shows it, the Government must underwrite the factory. The savings to the health budget will clearly be phenomenal.
In addition to public funding for the establishment of the Spartacus ice cream and Tim Tam factory, a case will be made for the CReS – the Caloric Reduction Scheme, whereby every kilo of ice cream and Tim Tams will produce a CReS certificate which then must be purchased by fresh produce producers under threat of imprisonment.
With the model on our side, hopefully, the government will mandate a 42% caloric reduction target ensuring that Australian diet include a minimum proportion of ice cream and Tim Tams.
You all know it makes sense. The modelling proves it.
There used to be lies, damned lies and statistics. There are now lies, damned lies, statistics and models.
Good thing Australian media and political class read carefully the inputs and outputs of the models they use to justify the policies foisted upon us.