Greg Chapman: It’s Wombat Day

According to Australian folklore, if a wombat appears out of its barrow any time after January 1st on a sunny day, we will have 100 years of Global Warming. Some think this is a myth from the aboriginal dreamtime, but recent studies have demonstrated that there is a dangerous reality behind this story.

The research of our very own climate expert and palaeontologist, Professor Tim Flannery, aka Wombat Man, has revealed the truth of this folklore. As a result of his latest publication in a peered reviewed report for the IPCC (International Panel for Chordata Classification), Wombat Day is now settled science.

While some of Wombat Man’s predictions have gained some notoriety, specifically about dams drying up and Perth becoming a ghost city (but to be fair, no wombats have ever been sited coming out of their burrows on sunny days in Western Australia), those who were previously deniers, now accept the science.

Here are just some of the comments from well known former sceptics now supporting Wombat Man’s research:

“I have spent most my life focused on the economic impact of carbon, and it was wombats all along.” Sinclair Davison

“I think we must have a carbon tax. Now!” Tony Abbott

Even the former arch denier Andrew Bolt has said “How can you argue with a 97% consensus of palaeontologists on the subject of climate change?”

I must also profess my own mea culpa, and for my penance I wrote this paean for the good Professor Tim (with apologies to Elton John and Kim Jong-un).

Paid my carbon credits pre-flight

Zero emissions with a grant

And my flyer miles will be platinum by then

I miss my Prius so much, it’s my life

It’s lonely up here in First

In my own private suite

 

I’m gonna be talking for a long long time

Conference speaker on the taxpayer dime

First Class trolley’s here, put down the phone

Time to raise a glass to Wombat Man

Wombat Man burning fossil fuels up here alone

 

Paris ain’t the kind of place to send your kids

With murderous martyrs on the streets

But I’m presenting for the ungrateful rubes

It’s Climate Science I don’t understand

It’s just my job two days a week

For the rest, I’m the Wombat Man

 

I’m gonna be talking for a long long time

Conference speaker on the taxpayer dime

First Class trolley’s here, put down the phone

It’s now time to feed the Wombat Man

Wombat Man burning fossil fuels up here alone

 

I’m gonna be talking for a long long time

I’m gonna be talking for a long long time

As long as I’m on the taxpayer dime

I think I’ll be talking for a long long time

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8 Responses to Greg Chapman: It’s Wombat Day

  1. Chris

    Are we going to see Oscars for Brokewombat Mountain, a heart-stirring tale of romance between an aging palaeontologist, a naive young Senior Treasury Official, and the surgeon who made their dreams come true?

  2. RobK

    Look what they’ve done to my grid, Ma.

  3. Chris

    Look what they’ve done to my grid, Ma.

    Well they picked it like
    A chicken bone
    I think they’re all insane, Ma!

  4. RobK

    And they mixed it up with some dumb ideas
    And it’s turned out all wrong, Ma.

  5. Ubique

    Wombats have barrows? Wheely? Who would have thought?

  6. Shy Ted

    With Gillard once again gracing our shores with her presence, The Bitch is Back.

  7. bollux

    no wombats have ever been sited coming out of their burrows
    It’s “sighted” for Gods sake!
    If you cannot spell, don’t write.

  8. James

    bollux, could mean sited in a journal.

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