BREAKING NEWS – NSW Government to demolish and rebuild Parliament House

In breaking news, the NSW Minister for Profligacy and Indulgence, the Hon. Stuart Ayers has announced that the NSW Government has decided to implement and fund the NSW Parliament House Strategy.  This will involve the demolition of the current 110 year old Parliament House on the eastern side of Macquarie Street and replacing it with a brand new state of the art facility that will include high speed NBN internet, a new member only food court, pool, gym and gender neutral toilets.

Minister Ayers said “The current NSW Parliament House was completed over 100 years ago.  It was not designed for the current environment.  There are safety and security issues, not to mention insufficient women’s toilets and poor quality foot outlets.”

Minister Ayers further said “When completed, the new NSW Parliament will be the envy of all politicians in Australia and the world, and it will be a testament to democracy and prudent financial management.”

Modeling prepared by Minister Ayer’s Department has also shown that there will be a significant boost to the NSW economy because of the increased tourism that the new Parliament House will attract.

The total cost of the project is estimated to be $1.5 billion, of which $50 million will be used to compensated currently political parties for disruption.  Notably, both the Liberal Party and the Labor Party have committed to continue to use the new facility for at least 30 years after construction.

When questioned about the need for and cost of the project, Minister Ayers said that over the same time the Parliament will be knocked down and rebuilt, $202 billion will be spend on schools, hospitals and stadiums.

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58 Responses to BREAKING NEWS – NSW Government to demolish and rebuild Parliament House

  1. pbw

    …poor quality foot outlets.

    The mind boggles.

  2. Derp

    Because it’s all about keeping making other politicians envious.
    It’s literally a member’s only trough.

  3. Dr Fred Lenin

    Good move hold the meetings a Sydney town hall,sell the site and use the money to pay off debt incurred by career polliemuppets ? Westminster is older than NSW and its still being used .they can meet anywhere its only a bunch of bulls jitters bullshitting ,profligate with other peoples money aren’t they?

  4. Tel

    I told you guys it was a bad idea to let them sell off the electricity networks.

  5. Tel

    There are safety and security issues, not to mention insufficient women’s toilets and poor quality foot outlets.

    So as to be able to reassign some toilets “gender neutral” and hire a new cook… it’s necessary to knock the building down and then partake in $50 million “compensation” money.

    Well, that makes perfect sense. I’m starting to wonder how bad the ALP could possibly be.

  6. Boambee John

    The frightening thing is that I can’t be sure that this is parody!

  7. Caveman

    Will they be allocating some affordable housing in the build?

  8. I am Spartacus

    Will they be allocating some affordable housing in the build?

    One can only hope.

  9. jupes

    There are safety and security issues, not to mention insufficient women’s toilets and poor quality foot outlets.”

    It’s always about the toilets these days.

  10. Zatara

    Modeling prepared by Minister Ayer’s Department has also shown that there will be a significant boost to the NSW economy because of the increased tourism that the new Parliament House will attract.

    …. replacing it with a brand new state of the art facility that will include high speed NBN internet, a new member only food court, pool, gym and gender neutral toilets.

    Really? I think we can mark down the ‘members only food court’ a non-contributor to tourism. So how many points did the ‘gender neutral toilets’ score in your model? Show us how that added up to $1.5 billion.

    The total cost of the project is estimated to be $1.5 billion, of which $50 million will be used to compensated currently political parties for disruption. Notably, both the Liberal Party and the Labor Party have committed to continue to use the new facility for at least 30 years after construction.

    You are bribing the parties $50 million to buy off on this boodoggle and there is only a guarantee of 30 years use before you come back for another how many billion (trillions?) to knock it down and do it again?

    How stupid can the electorate possibly be?

  11. Bruce of Newcastle

    Here’s what will happen.
    The Libs will sign a watertight contract with a builder then lose the next election.
    As the contract will require the CFMEU to be excluded from the site, the ALP will reneg.
    The builders will receive $1.1 billion for not building a new NSW Parliament House.
    The ALP will then build an even bigger one in Lakemba next to the mosque.
    It will take thirty years to be completed using disabled transsexual CFMEU refugee wukkas.

  12. calli

    Chuckle. Well played, sir!

    Could we have it pulled down and the site turned into a nice park?

    Ta.

  13. hzhousewife

    Notably, both the Liberal Party and the Labor Party have committed to continue to use the new facility for at least 30 years after construction.

    Will there still BE a Liberal and Labor Party in 30 years. I was hoping not. The Greens must be pretty miffed at not getting a mention.

  14. Dave of Reedy Creek, Qld

    I thought the building was heritage listed. Wikipedia says it is. O well, like everything else in Australia….off with the old and on with the new.

  15. Rohan

    jupes
    #2579241, posted on December 8, 2017 at 11:57 am
    There are safety and security issues, not to mention insufficient women’s toilets and poor quality foot outlets.”

    It’s always about the toilets these days.

    I think they get bogged down, (or was that bound up?) by red tape.

  16. Rayvic

    Another example of misplaced priorities and misallocated resources.

    It joins the likes of irrational projects such as the exorbitant rebuilding of 17-year-old ANZ Stadium (the Olympic Stadium), the unjustified move of the Powerhouse Museum to Parramatta, and the unjustified container deposit scheme .

    Yet, the Government fails to allocate sufficient funds to properly operate public hospitals such as Westmead, that are forced to close wards and postpone urgently-required surgery.

  17. Leo G

    Just what we need- a new multi-billion-dollar monument to official corruption.

  18. There are safety and security issues, not to mention insufficient women’s toilets and poor quality food outlets.”

    There are very easy solutions:
    1) Teach all members and staff, (and public) with female genitalia how to piss in the urinal.
    2) Ask the Iranian Dwarf if he has any connections in Chinese food industry and hires him as a food consultant (when he get out of jail).

  19. Diogenes

    he unjustified move of the Powerhouse Museum to Parramatta

    The old Museum of Applied Arts & Sciences at Ultimo was waaaaaaay betterer, as was the old Mining museum at Hickson Point (very nearly under the Harbour Bridge)

  20. Chris

    For transgender toilets? My guess is that there will be a little park around it, with man-high bushes. And no security cameras aimed lower than the waist.

  21. Roger

    Notably, both the Liberal Party and the Labor Party have committed to continue to use the new facility for at least 30 years after construction.

    Truth can be stranger than fiction:

    In the mid-1980s the QLD government built a new multi-story office block to house the machinations of government, the old parliamentary offices from the 19th C. being deemed out of date for a modern state.

    30 years later the new building was itself deemed insufficient and construction of a new multi-billion dollar government precinct with no expenses spared offices was commenced.

    This from a state government which is $34b in debt, mind you, and only recently had its credit rating revised from a negative assessment by international agencies.

  22. Slim Cognito

    I agree it should be knocked down but don’t build a new one. It only encourages the buggers.

  23. Phill

    It should be made entirely of soap boxes, carefully spread around outdoors at the domain.

  24. Minister Ayers said “The current NSW Parliament House was completed over 100 years ago. It was not designed for the current environment. There are safety and security issues, not to mention insufficient women’s toilets and poor quality foot outlets.”

    Minister Ayers further said “When completed, the new NSW Parliament will be the envy of all politicians in Australia and the world, and it will be a testament to democracy and prudent financial management.”

    Modeling prepared by Minister Ayer’s Department has also shown that there will be a significant boost to the NSW economy because of the increased tourism that the new Parliament House will attract.

    This whole story seems crazy enough to be true.
    Except for that last line. Whoever inserted that went too far.
    Almost had me until that point.

  25. vagabond

    It would be cheaper to fly them all to the the Taj Mahal known as the NT parliament building in Darwin.

  26. Deplorable

    The total cost of the project is estimated to be $1.5 billion, of which $50 million will be used to compensated currently political parties for disruption.
    Now of course that figure does not include the compensation , site inspection fees, ongoing rent and a huge wing attached for the use of the traditional owners with a free bar. There will also be a homosexual wing where all the queers in parliament can fraternise away from the straights. This is important because NSW is the home of them as are the federal houses of parliament. In fact after proposals of marriage in hansard one would expect a homosexual wedding centre as well .

  27. Up The Workers!

    What a waste of taxpayers’ cash…the A.L.P. almost has a quorum now in that exclusive gated community that MIchael Williamson, Milton Orkopoulos, “Dishonest Eddie” Obeid, his itinerant Left Testicle (and possibly his Right one too and several other associated portions of his disparate anatomy) and all the rest of the Labor gang reside in.

    You could just move the Speakers’ Chair and Mace to the corridor outside the A.L.P. Presidential Suite, and the job’s half done.

    Think of all the money you’d save. Michael Williamson still has all of that $20 Million in spare cash he never repaid, that he could lavish on furniture and decorations.

  28. stackja

    Leave all structures unmaintained to just fall down.

  29. mh

    gender neutral toilets

    Are men still allowed to piss standing up? How far we have fallen.

  30. Up The Workers!

    Precisely who is making these outrageous claim that there is an alleged insufficiency of toilets in the NSW Parliament?

    I have never yet noticed any discernible shortage in the mammoth output of crap from that joint in recent decades!

    What will all the blue-bottle presstitutes do for amusement while the contractors are digging the new Sh’ouse?

  31. Stan

    For the record, this is a parody of the NSW new stadia announcement by Ayers. $2.5BN to rebuild two fully-functional stadia (not that old either) to the same or lesser capacity.

  32. Dan Dare

    How about ditch a few of these bullshit programs and buy a nice new aircraft carrier.
    HMS Her looks nice

  33. Dr Fred Lenin

    I suggest they use redundant shipping containers ,one for each member ,hold meetings in big yard with a big fire inthe middle ,pto pay respect to traditional indigenius owners ,if it was good enough for them it is good enough for their enabling career polliemuppets . Think of the savings?no overheads ,a few long drop outside dummies ,nongender of course ,,a bucket of water outside to wash the hands ,0 job done . Do the same in Canberra convert the nuthouse there to a mental institution ,it has a lot of experience with the mentally deluded. Plenty of potential clients in the peoples republic of canberrastan. Solving problems is our game .

  34. Texas Jack

    Notably, both the Liberal Party and the Labor Party have committed to continue to use the new facility for at least 30 years after construction…

    So good of them to calm us all down about that.

    What chance it comes in at anything like $1.5 Bill, and anything like projected time? Zip? Nada? Zilch?Shades of that magnificent light rail project that recently opened “whole sections” of the line “for Christmas” (100m in an utterly destroyed retail strip) in what looked like the Main Street of Cologne circa 1945. Pity it was all at double the money, double the time, triple the flouro vested paddle-pop ladies (no sign of blokes anywhere Elizabeth Broderick) and double the number of street cardboard clowns begging for cash. The only thing you can bet your bottom dollar on is that compensation for the pollies will head north like a bullet if it’s a day over time.

  35. nilk

    Isn’t he the significant other of our esteemed Defence [sic] Minister Ms. Payne?

  36. Parody, surely.

    Has to be. It was riding the edge of plausibility (sort of like the screenplay of “Pulp Fiction” did) up until the bit about a modern piece of glass & concrete shit attracting tourists.
    If this whole story is true, I’ll pose nude for Playboy!

  37. Neil

    For the record, this is a parody of the NSW new stadia announcement by Ayers.

    Yes but why make fun of it? If Peter Fitzsimmons is against it i am for it. The Liberal govt in NSW due to good money management has some money to do things. If LABOR was in power the money would not be there

  38. The heritage facade should be retained with the interior gutted and replaced with a wheel, treadmill and shackles, unsympathetic geeks with scourges to keep the shackled pricks walking until infrequent meal breaks of ditch water and thin gruel ladled into their hands.

  39. I am Spartacus

    Neil,

    If Peter Fitzsimmons is against it i am for it

    What about a Republic?

  40. I am Spartacus

    Serena,

    until the bit about a modern piece of glass & concrete shit attracting tourists.

    As a matter of fact, Stuart Ayers claimed that the Stadium rebuild will attract tourists. They will be flying in from all over the world to see the weekly half empty NRL matches.

  41. Neil

    What about a Republic?

    Fitzsimmons is for a republic so i am against it.

    What the lefties do not comprehend is that due to good money management the current Liberal govt has some money to spend on a new stadium. Money that would not be there if LABOR was in power

  42. Peter

    Can they demolish and rebuild the politicians while they are at it? No?
    I thought not.
    I hope and pray this is a parody post but the world is so bizarre right now and politicians so demented that I really must confess I have no effing idea if it is.

  43. Gotta be bullshit but my idea stands as a viable option

  44. Being familiar with the walk but not for some time, imo apart from the state library and the Sydney Hospital, the place is infested with many low calibre/ high cost dynastic shysters of a variety of professions and dispositions extending almost as far as Circular Quay. The only consolation is that these denizens put up with very old buildings that no amount of titivating will make spacious. Some offices I have been in do have nice views but hey. Maybe things are different now.

  45. As for the stadia, rugby league (or boofhead ball as I prefer to know it) is a park game and who gives a fuck. White elephants.

  46. I was wondering how a nobody smartarse fuckwit (apart from me) had anything to do with the issue, but on reflection fitzwhaterhisnameis fits in well.

  47. W Hogg

    No, Neil. The money came from privatising the grid. And if the CFMEU was in power, they would still have the money for the project (but it would all be borrowed).

  48. Eyrie

    Dear Kim,

    When considering your nuclear missile live thermonuclear weapon test please consider Sydney as well as Canberra.

  49. Bruce

    How did they manage to keep the old barn off the “Heritage” list?

    Here in “back-woods” Queensland, the very government famous for a few demolitions, actually started the restoration of the old Parliament house and built a new one beside it.

    The old one is used for all sorts of public and private functions, as well as occasionally, a movie location, inside and out. It once stood in for a building in Prague. They do a pretty good “high tea” there as well.

  50. Neil

    No, Neil. The money came from privatising the grid. And if the CFMEU was in power, they would still have the money for the project (but it would all be borrowed).

    Really? NSW is running surplus budgets and is now debt free like the Commonwealth was back in 2007. If LABOR was in power the budget would be in deficit and there would be no money for any new stadiums.

  51. Mind numbing news. They must be quite mad. Do they honestly think this will be a vote-winning policy?

    Ayres and his federal Minister wife are both unfit for their duties.

  52. Tel

    NSW is running surplus budgets and is now debt free like the Commonwealth was back in 2007.

    Achieved by selling off assets which is not financially sustainable.

  53. I think I fell “hook, line & sinker” – it’s a joke, surely??????

  54. Neil

    Achieved by selling off assets which is not financially sustainable.

    U got a link for that? If true, so what? NSW is running surplus budgets and is debt free. U have a problem with that?

  55. Neil

    Achieved by selling off assets which is not financially sustainable.

    U made the statement so give me a link. fact is in NSW the Liberal govt is running surplus budgets and we are now debt free

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