UK appoints minister for loneliness

Story here.

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48 Responses to UK appoints minister for loneliness

  1. Zyconoclast

    Does Tracey Crouch plan to get shot?

    Worst decision Jo Cox ever made.

  2. Infidel Tiger

    One of the primary drivers of loneliness is the nanny state. Smoking bans have literally been a death sentence for the aged and infirm.

  3. Garry

    Why don’t we have a minister for wankers?

  4. Digger

    We have got a whole gaggle of ministers for wankers. Even a Prime Minister for wanker and an Opposition Leader for wankers. they are all bloody wankers…

  5. Oh come on

    Tokenism at its most craven.

  6. Empire GTHO Phase III

    The inevitable result of the one hundred year war against the family unit.

  7. Up The Workers!

    Hmmm…so if the Pommy Minister is the Minister FOR Loneliness, then I take it that his/her Opposition Shadow is AGAINST Loneliness.

    The cross-benches are evidently where the Q.W.E.R.T.Y.L.G.B.T.Q.I.S.S.M. crowd and itinerant Parliamentary Wankers congregate.

  8. Nerblnob

    Smoking bans, minimum alcohol pricing, more state dependency.
    Any wonder that people are isolated?

  9. J.H.

    I used to think Monty Python was a comedy group for ridiculous skits and surreal comedy…. I didn’t realize that they were a blueprint for English Government.

  10. Turtle of WA

    Why not replace a dozen other portfolios into a “Ministry for Victimhood”.

  11. Turtle of WA

    Why don’t we have a minister for wankers?

    We do. The Arts. In fact, it would be more accurately called the “Ministry for Public Masturbation”.

  12. C.L.

    UK appoints minister for loneliness

    A tax on swiping left to follow.

  13. C.L.

    One of the primary drivers of loneliness is the nanny state.

    The greatest cause of loneliness is feminism.
    It has created generations of unrequited spinsters, childless shrews, abortionists, wrecked marriages, neglected children, abandoned elderly and brainwashed girls who look for instinct-defying purpose as hi-viz tom-boys, ADF ‘soldiers’ or – worse – politicians and ‘football’ players.

  14. overburdened

    the nanny state has decided that is discriminatory to have to get a grip and get on with it

  15. I grew up in the house consisting of two rooms – kitchen and bedroom (outside toilet – long drop). In that house lived my parents, my grandmother – my father’s mother, her daughter ( my aunty – father’s sister), my sister and I. Total six persons. We were never lonely!

  16. 2dogs

    I wonder if the new minister might identify multiculturalism as the source of this growing feelings of isolation.

  17. Tony

    Isn’t this a Conservative government?!

  18. Entropy

    Another opportunity to screw the taxpayer for some factional deal. Other Proples’ Money is always a lot of fun to piss against the wall.

  19. Tel

    I don’t want to belong to any club that would accept me as a member.

  20. Ros

    Well why not. It’s sort of in keeping with a world where a shampoo’s effectiveness is represented by a hijab. Ben Shapiro thinks it is silly. This woman suspects there is a horror of hair underneath. Mind you in a world with infinite opportunities to offend they at least avoid offending women, or trans women, who have no hair.
    “L’Oreal Paris has now broken new ground with an advertising campaign for hair starring…a hijab-wearing Muslim woman whose hair you cannot see. Yes, really. No joke. Actually. Seriously.

    Her name is Amena Khan, and she’s advertising Elvive, a selection of shampoos, conditioners, and hair treatments.
    As you can see, her hair is not visible. But Khan is supremely excited, stating, “How many brands are doing things like this? Not many. They’re literally putting a girl in a headscarf – whose hair you can’t see – in a hair campaign. Because what they’re really valuing through the campaign is the voices that we have.”

    Then Khan explained that by not showing her hair in hair care ads, she was emphasizing the value that hair holds to women beyond it being seen by others: “You have to wonder – why is it presumed that women who don’t show their hair don’t look after it? The opposite of that would be that everyone that does show their hair only looks after it for the sake of showing it to others. And that mindset strips us of our autonomy and our sense of independence. Hair is a big part of self-care.””

  21. herodotus

    A gem from 1963: The Caretaker, starring Callan and Lonely.
    Full length movie 1 hour 41mins. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8cdMH9q1JP0

  22. Baldrick

    You’d think they would have had enough common sense to appoint two Loneliness Ministers instead of just one.

  23. herodotus

    she’s advertising Elvive
    El Hive failed in focus groups.

  24. herodotus

    British Ministers have shown various initiatives in battling loneliness over many years.

  25. Dr Fred Lenin

    I’d hate to be a comedy writer these days ,the polliemuppets and commos would be impossible to beat for unconscious humour in their actions . Minister of loneliness ,sounds like something Harry Seagoon would announcec on the old GOON SHOW . What next ? Minister for funny walks ? Minister for politically correct humour? Minister for conversation ?

  26. Crossie

    Her name is Amena Khan, and she’s advertising Elvive, a selection of shampoos, conditioners, and hair treatments.
    As you can see, her hair is not visible. But Khan is supremely excited, stating, “How many brands are doing things like this? Not many. They’re literally putting a girl in a headscarf – whose hair you can’t see – in a hair campaign. Because what they’re really valuing through the campaign is the voices that we have.”

    Where to even start with this? Anyway, here goes.

    “How many brands are doing things like this?”
    What, you mean leave you hair so lustreless you have to hide it with a scarf?

    The whole of evolution is based on the concept of beauty signifying health and a good breeding prospect. Not according to hijabbed dunces, you must not only buy before you try but buy before you even see to show how much you are devoted to the moon god. Then when the description does not match the promise you go off with young boys whose hair is glossy and uncovered for all to see.

  27. Crossie

    British Ministers have shown various initiatives in battling loneliness over many years.

    A certain John Profumo springs to mind.

  28. v_maet

    Maybe if they allowed any form of conservative thinking and prevented the muslim takeover their citizens wouldn’t feel so lonely.

  29. manalive

    What’s next, a ministry of love (Miniluv)?
    It’s all very silly — but a sinister totalitarian mentality behind it.

  30. Chris M

    Let me guess, he / she will tell people to go to church? And to do some volunteer work?

  31. Nerblnob

    Baldrick wins today.

    You’d think they would have had enough common sense to appoint two Loneliness Ministers instead of just one.

  32. Nerblnob

    I used to lust over a Citibank teller in Abu Dhabi back in the 90s, Indian muz. Very pretty, sexy shape, flirted with me . Trouble was the sides of her face were covered in thick pimples from the greasy veil. Empowerment!

  33. Marcus

    There’s never a bad reason to post some Johnny Cash.



    The Four Tops version is good too.

  34. I told you mob that there were too many women in positions of power.
    A sheila appoints another sheila to a huggy kissy feely new portfolio in order to do some huggy kissy feely stuff for poor plebs who need it according to these women.

    C.L.
    #2613290, posted on January 19, 2018 at 12:02 am is spot on and
    Baldrick
    #2613347, posted on January 19, 2018 at 7:18 am wins the internet today.

  35. Habib

    The Conservatives are even more fraudulent that the Liberal party. Wetter than a fish’s sphincter. How bent is their electoral system as well, when UKIP polls like billy-o and wins one seat? The western world needs a revolution, heads on sticks and the like. Trump has shown it’s possible electorally in the US, although congress and the senate are still riddled with venal, time-serving ditch carp. It may be possible elsewhere as well, however I prefer the immediate cure that a trebuchet and a bay full of ravenous Selachimorpha brings.

    Has the added benefit of pissing off the likes of the WWF and such, by feeding poisonous lampreys to unsuspecting noahs.

  36. Louis Hissink

    Assumes wide-eyed speechless demeanor…….

  37. Anne

    Forced ‘friending’ coming to a Legislature near you.

  38. Terry

    Well, how else can you solve loneliness if not by appointing a minister to legislate/regulate against it?

    Australia should really be following suit, and quickly, lest we become an international laughing stock (or should that be a pariah, this week).

    I look forward to the addition of the compulsory question on my next tax return and BAS, declaring under threat of fines and/or imprisonment, that I am definitely not lonely and since we’ll need to include businesses in this monumental step forward, declaring that none of my clients AND potential clients are lonely either.

    How could anyone with compassion argue for loneliness? Do these people even have a heart?

  39. Louis Hissink

    Do they come from a lonely planet? The people I mean who will subject to the regulations and policies supervised by the Minister for Loneliness.

    FMD

  40. Louis Hissink

    The Gramscians have penetrated all the West’s institutions, not just the looneyport tribe.

  41. Anne

    Poor him, so lonely Kim Jong-un.

    Well his long-missing pop star girlfriend just turned up at high-profile talks with South Korean officials.

    Perhaps they reconcile and start having Sunday BBQs.

  42. Terry

    “in order to do some huggy kissy feely stuff”

    Well, Harvey Weinstein appointed himself Minister for Loneliness however his selfless gesture and dedication to the position (positions?) doesn’t seem to have been appreciated very much. Ingrates.

  43. RobK

    They’re literally putting a girl in a headscarf – whose hair you can’t see – in a hair campaign. Because what they’re really valuing through the campaign is the voices that we have.”

    Sounds like some kind of mental health campaign. Isnt that the kind of thing the last bollard basher said.

  44. Bruce in WA

    Bluebottle: Oh, look, Capitan Seangoon, they have appointed a Mincer for Loneliness.
    Seagoon: What, what, what, what … what? But … but that’s sheer madness. (Aside: I’m rather partial to sheer stockings, though … ahem!)
    Bluebottle: Tell me, my Capitan, what does a Mincer for Loneliness do?
    Seagoon: Here, my little North Finchley waif, pull up this Nubian slave and sit down and I will reveal all.
    Bluebottle: Ooooh, my mother warned me about men like you she did!
    Seagoon: Nonsense, my little furry pipe-cleaner. Sit you down.
    Ellington: Oof! Watch your woggle!
    Bluebottle: Sorry, Mr Englington. Go ahead, Capitan, tell me your story.
    Seagoon (clears throat): Well, it started like this … (Grams: Neddy’s voice speeds up to an unintelligible babble, then … silence) And there you have it.
    Bluebottle: What? ‘Ere, you’re having a lend of me, aren’t you? That’s just silly, that is. You can’t fool old Bluenbottle like that.
    Seagoon: Sorry, lad, but it’s all true. Oh well, back to work. Mind out, watch how you climb off Nubian!
    (Grams: crash, bang, wallop, tinkle)
    Bluebottle: Aaarrrgh! You rotten swine, you’ve deaded me!

  45. Marcus

    Well, how else can you solve loneliness if not by appointing a minister to legislate/regulate against it?

    Australia should really be following suit, and quickly, lest we become an international laughing stock (or should that be a pariah, this week).

    Well, I’m pretty sure that one of Bill Shorten’s first acts will be to appoint a Domestic Violence minister in his cabinet. Of course, the title will be “Minister for the Prevention of Family and Domestic Violence” to avoid any confusion.

  46. Richard Bender

    How about a minister for keeping the rest of the Cabinet the fuck out of our lives?

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