The Ballad of Bill Shorten

The party determin and I will comply.
Do anything I shall as their leadership guy.

The people have spoken and heard them have I.
To lead them I follow as their leadership guy.

For all the fans of David Morrison out there, please forgive the use of the expression “guy”.  But the point still holds.  Is there anything that Bill Shorten stands for?

Now your correspondent Spartacus watched the Bob Hawke documentary over the past 2 Sundays.  According to the show’s producers, Hawke’s only failures, to the extent they were failures, were personal.  Apparently, according to the show’s producers, Hawke never once made a policy mistake.  And his sole personnel (not personal) mistake was the error of not getting out of the way for Paul Keating (at least according to Graham Richardson).

But one thing for sure about Hawke was that people knew what he stood for.  If the ABC ever getting around to putting together a similar show on John Howard, viewers will probably come to the same conclusion.

But what does Bill Shorten stand for other than winning and not losing?

Follow I Am Spartacus on Twitter at @Ey_am_Spartacus

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32 Responses to The Ballad of Bill Shorten

  1. Muddy

    The wukkas
    extorted,
    will from now on be
    imported!

  2. W Hogg

    He appears to drift between thought bubbles (including ones that contradict his other thought bubbles) that he believes from focus groups and polling will play well with swinging voters in marginal seats in the mortgage belt.

    Now I stress that this is in NO way to be confused with “populism,” which is something only the “right wing” (defined to include Hitler) does, and which results in dictatorship and killing millions of people (because, as we all know, killing and enslaving your people while killing them is wildly popular).

    Populism is a bad thing. Mindlessly playing to themes that might be popular with the electorate, when done by parties of the Left, is not to be confused with “populism.”

  3. John Constantine

    If legislation were to be introduced banning ex prime minister’s from getting payoffs from foreign powers after they lose power, we would see what shorten believes in.

    Why are bribes legal the day after the election?.

  4. IainC

    “Is there anything that Bill Shorten stands for?” Along with most of his State and Federal Labor colleagues, I expect he stands for the Chinese National Anthem.

  5. stackja

    BS speaks BS and people accept it.

  6. H B Bear

    Peanut Head has been on the make ever since he swung his little legs under the dining room table at Raheen. Like Lord Waffleworth he believes in himself.

  7. Michel Lasouris

    ‘B’Cup Billy has held more positions over the years than there are in the Karma Sutra; and that’s just the political ones. should he EVER get into the Lodge, he will be bombarded his lies, statements, promises and dirty deeds he’s uttered over the years. Add to that his raping, grandstanding at the Beaconsfield Gold Mine tragedy, not to mention knifing TWO of his leaders, he won’t last the Month. I know our politicians are a worthless bunch of wankers ( with VERY few exceptions) but Billy Big Tits is undoubtedly the worst of the worst. A snarling little dog not worth feeding. Geez I feel better now!

  8. Up The Workers!

    David Morrison?

    David Morrison??

    Ahhh…yes…Corporal Klinger’s alias!

    Now there’s a Labor(sic) man who could make the enemy’s eyes bulge…eventually!

  9. Up The Workers!

    Is there anything that Bull Shitten stands for?

    Erm…knee tremblers with drunken 16-year-olds?

  10. Up The Workers!

    Which bit of Richo was opining on Hawke and Keating?

    The bit the surgeons retained or the bit they threw away?

    Does he still play with matches and insurance premiums?

  11. DB

    Remember when Julia Gillard introduced us to ‘Real Julia’!

  12. Up The Workers!

    “Remember when Julia Gillard introduced us to ‘Real Julia’!”

    Wasn’t that the morning after ‘Dr. Emo’ gargled her falsies?
    She couldn’t see for shit afterwards, and the coppers picked up the Prime Ministerial vehicle for “hooning” 8 times in the next 3 months.

  13. Dr Fred Lenin

    Just a thought what did rudd stand for ? What did giliard stand for ? What does turnbull stand for ?.
    Politics these days has no ideals only self interest greed corruption and lies The corrupt lawtrade has polluted politics so much it has lost meaning . That is why Trump is going so well in many peoples eyes . Trump is not a lawyer ,he is not a career politician, he is not an , aparatchik , so is untainted by corruption . Anyone who thinks the Russians wanted to help him knows nothing about politics . I would still like to see a rapprochement with Russia as a counter to islamofascist and the Chinese . Such an event would be world changing . If the UK ever really gets Brexit going they could join ,and encourage France to Frexit <that would get rid of the globalist communists in the EU and corrupt u.n. Be a formidable union ,keep the lid on Iran and the Norks .

  14. Boambee John

    W. Hogg

    Populism is a bad thing. Mindlessly playing to themes that might be popular with the electorate, when done by parties of the Left, is not to be confused with “populism.”

    When the left fascists do it, it is called “Listening to the voice of the people”. Only eeeevvvviiill righties do “populism”.

  15. ACTOldFart

    You only have to look at his performance as a Minister climbing the ladder during the R – G – R years. Every decision, large and small, made to favour the unions.

    When he was responsible for taxation, all of a sudden, Aust Business Numbers became almost impossible to obtain. Result: People could not work as independent contractors, and so forcing them to be employeees, making them more likely to be sucked in to a union.

    Then he was responsible for superannuation. And the rules governing D-I-Y super were made so much more onerous, because DIY competes with the Industry Super Funds, which are heavily loaded towards the unions. And the list goes on and on.

    So what does he stand for? Complete capitulation to what the union bosses, particularly the CFMEU thugs, tell him to do. And the rendering of all sorts of services, including oral services, to his union masters.

  16. KaaBee

    Bill is not yet quite sure what Sally stands for but what ever it is I am sure he will agree.

  17. testpattern

    The Ballad of Bill Shorten, errr … ummm…

    Billy was a Mountain
    Tanya was a tree hanging offa his shoul-der…

    Billy coughed – HACK HACK
    And some 800 tonne of rock came down –
    HACK HACK – BEACONSFIELD! Billy’s big career break!
    Yes folks he was privileged to play a small role in that remarkable story,

    Cuz when a person gets to be
    Such a HERO folks,
    And MARVELOUS BEYOND COMPUTE,
    You can never REALLY TELL
    About a GUY LIKE THAT
    Whether he’s really a NICE PERSON
    Or if he just SMILES A LOT

    BEEF PIES!
    He was born next to the BEEF PIES
    Carlton North Foods in Lygon Street,

    ‘I just said sorry the pies are sold out, only cold pies’, Ms Huang said
    If you want I could put it in the microwave.’
    THE MICROWAVE???!!!
    THE MI_CRO_WAVE !!
    Billy EXPLODED and started to RAVE,
    Well Billy’s response she claims was UN_SA_VOUR_Y and involved the F-word
    THE F F F F WORD…

    You can never REALLY TELL
    About a GUY LIKE THAT
    Whether he’s really a NICE PERSON
    Or if he just SMILES A LOT

    apols to Zappa and assorted news archives

  18. egg_

    Just a thought what did rudd stand for ?

    Despite my utter distaste for narcs, he falsely posed as Howard Lite, yet delivered a rather Leftwing agenda.
    However, he was actually more predictable than Gillard and Abbott, who both delivered FAR to the Left of what they promised, on the whole.
    Trumble was anticipated to be more Centrist than Abbott, but just turned out to be a Crony Capitalist flake.
    Tits – could he be worse than Trumble?
    He’d likely be something like Hunchback Andrews IMHO, but hopefully tempered by a quality Opposition.

  19. Roger

    Is there anything that Bill Shorten stands for?

    He’s a hollow man.

    A generous superannuation package for the old leadership guy.

    With apologies to TS Eliot.

  20. NormaP

    Say what you like about BS, if the Libs don’t change leader, he is going to win. Even if they do change, winning is unlikely. So, best we start preparing our senate vote, to limit the damage he can do.

  21. Chris M

    Is there anything that Bill Shorten stands for?

    Well he is not Malcolm Turnbull.

    And for many that may well be enough…

  22. Jonesy

    Chris M, after this week last, there should be not a skeric of doubt that the PM is not a big L Liberal. The belief in the individual? Except when you do something in private with another consenting adult…behind closed doors…and Bill agrees with the policy!

  23. jock

    Ahhhh bill shorten. The great apostle to the philistines.

  24. duncanm

    Meanwhile, Bill ‘nothing to see here’ Shorten says ‘he is not aware of any MP’s sleeping with staffers’.

    A comment in the Oz has reminded us of this

    Friends say Ms Beale has observed that it was “interesting that Mr Shorten and Ms Bryce are expecting a baby, while both remain married to other people”.

  25. John Bayley

    Then he was responsible for superannuation. And the rules governing D-I-Y super were made so much more onerous, because DIY competes with the Industry Super Funds, which are heavily loaded towards the unions.

    Well that was before Scott Morriswan got his hands on super. The new rules – and let’s not forget the new taxes! – introduced by the ‘Trumble Coalition” are so ridiculously complicated and onerous that you have to wonder whether that particular own goal should be attributed to some sort of a conspiracy. Because, surely the Libs cannot be that stupid..

    Although on second and third etc thought… Yes, They Can!

  26. Caviar

    Howard stood for open borders, muslim immigration, disarming the population and selling the country foreigners. Rudd stood for all that as well.

  27. Mother Lode

    Just a thought what did rudd stand for ?

    Photo ops.

    But is always needed a little time in front of a mirror to find how he would have to hold his head to maximise the gibbousness of that sack of flab under his chin and stop shadow betraying it steadily increasing dimensions.

  28. Kneel

    “…encourage France to Frexit…”

    No, no, no! Get the terms correct!

    Britain –> Brexit
    France –> Fruckoff
    Italy –> Ital-bye
    Belgium –> Bye-bye-gium

  29. Fibro

    If the ABC ever getting around to putting together a similar show on John Howard, viewers will probably come to the same conclusion.

    I am sure the ALPBC will get around to doing a show on Howard. Let me think what it will feature: Workchoices, Eyebrows, Workchoices, Spat with Costello, Workchoices, Middle Class Welfare and maybe Workchoices.

    What it won’t feature is East Timor resolve, USA FTA, Gun Control, Medicare extensions, GST and removal of WST….etc

    So if the ABC ever getting around to putting together a similar show on John Howard, viewers will probably come to the ALPBC’s conclusions.

  30. Bob in Castlemaine

    I haven’t seen what she [PM Gillard] said, but let me say that I support what it is that she said.”

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