Kale and Quinoa Under A Woven Blanket

In his budget reply speech last week, the Hon Bill Shorten MP committed Australians Labor to achieving a zero net emissions target by 2050.  He did not explain what for or for what benefit, but by 2050, Mr Shorten will be aged 83 by then and living comfortably off his government guaranteed indexed defined benefit pension.  Oh and if he does ever become Prime Minister, a likely outcome on current projections, he will also have a nice tax payer funded office and staff to reply to the all the correspondence asking why oh why a zero emissions target.

But while all the emissions action is currently focused on electricity generation, let us not forget that one of the largest sources of carbon emissions is ….. bovine flatulence, also known as car farts.  And with Australia (current at least) having a large beef production and export industry, one might imagine that yet another industry will soon come under threat.

So let’s just quickly revisit the industries that would disappear under an ALP-Greens coalition government:

  • any high energy manufacturing – if there is any left
  • any extractive (mining) industry, especially coal, gas and oil – carbon based energy you know
  • beef farming – cow farts are clearly bad
  • legume farming – if cow farts are to be banned, so must human farts

Jeeze.  Spartacus does not know where jobs will come from in the future, other than in the public service of course.  Do any Cat out there know what the international price for hand woven baskets is?  Where do I go to apply for a green job?

But all is not lost.  After destroying big tracks of private sector industry, particularly exporting industry, and making electricity expensive and unreliable, we can all sit under hand woven blankets and eat kale and quinoa.

And by 2050, the ABC can have a cooking show focusing on kale and quinoa recipies.  After all, every one will have to watch it because there will be no other media left and the internet won’t be available because the NBN will have been written off and turned off.

All this for zero emissions.  Good thing Australia will get other benefits.  Not sure what, but there must be something in return for us travelling down this road to ruin.  Will everyone at least get a turn to go on a tax payer junket to a United Nations cocktail party?

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14 Responses to Kale and Quinoa Under A Woven Blanket

  1. John Constantine

    Nearly right, but the plan is to put an end to racist and misogynist animal agriculture [ look at the man hurting Isabella the Cow, sobs their advertising.], then end industrial agriculture [ it is all chemicals that kill the reef, using land they murdered the trees off].

    Fifty bucks an acre rates if you don’t comply with centrally planned zero carbon Stalin progressing food production Methods, enforced with glee by bankrupt councils.

    The end pointof sustainable social justice xero carbon, low air miles, local produced algae and fungus ration gruel, with added medications, grown from sewerage nutrients is pencilled in as feeding the proles for all eternity.
    Or until a die off event from contaminated sewerage entering the plate to toilet to plate cycle.

    It is enough to make you want to blank reality out by drinking vodka made from fermented fungus grown in sewerage nutrient vats.

    Comrades.

  2. Percy Porcelain

    bovine flatulence, also known as car farts

    If you say so. The true absurdity of gerbil worming as evidenced by these collectivist dunderheads’ obsession with something so utterly banal and yet so bloody ridiculous.

    That they expect to be taken seriously shows how disconnected from reality they truly are. Something to contemplate as we all march off to our glorious emissions free future.

  3. Percy Porcelain

    Vote one Teats Peanuthead for a glorious cow fart free future, comrades!

  4. Ƶĩppʯ (ȊꞪꞨV)

    These fabian deadshits are going to complete fuck us over

  5. Sydney Boy

    By 2050, Mr Shorten will be aged 83 by then and living comfortably off his government guaranteed indexed defined benefit pension.

    Nope. Bill Shorten first elected in 2007 so he is on the superannuation system – NOT the pre-2004 pension system.

  6. Shy Ted

    Ban human farts. Why, it’ll be the end of comedy. Not to worry, the journalists will ask the questions that will expose the fraud.

  7. Tim Neilson

    Peanut Head 83 in 2050? I think you mean 93.
    Peanut Head wasn’t born in 1967. He wasn’t the teenager at the ALP youth camp when…
    Sorry, belay that.

  8. Up The Workers!

    I long for the day when Bull Shitten and the Australian Liars’ Party emissions are collectively down to zero.

  9. mareeS

    No matter how the luvvies behind the latte curtain try to shut down coal and ferrous mining in Australia, a new and lucrative mining industry is gaining ground. WA has the largest mineable lithium deposits outside of China, required for electric car and iPhone batteries. How good is that,mining for a sustainable future!

  10. There’s one good outlook to all of this, there will be no ABC unless they get all of their ‘journalists’ on bikes to power their studios and transmitters. But all that would be to no avail, as few, if any, of their audience would have or be able to run a TV.

    What a great way to get rid of the ABC, hoist by their own petard!

  11. Bruce of Newcastle

    Each day the human population of Australia breathes out roughly 25,000 tonnes of the Earth-murdering gas CO2.

    Given that he has committed to eliminate such travesties I expect that Shorten will do the right thing by the planet.

  12. stevem

    I saw an article in the Guardian yesterday (know your enemy) that claimed Australia’s CO2 emissions had risen by 1.5% last year. On reading the article I realised that we has actually reduced our emissions, although the article went to pains to avoid mentioning it. The purported increase was due to increased exports of natural gas.
    It’s a very strange accounting system that counts our petroleum exports as an Australian emission and our petroleum imports as an Australian emission. When figures are so blatantly manipulated they cannot be accepted with a grain of salt but must be rejected entirely.

  13. Dr Fred Lenin

    Did dinosaurs fart? If so they would be prodigious farts ,was that the cause of the climate change that wiped them out ?
    Another, does politicians windbagging contribute to gerbil worming?
    It’s a complex subject ,so many questions arise,should bring those subjects at the next meeting of the Darebin Soviet plenty of gangrenes with BAs in bullshit subjects there , the council pay they get must supplement their dole payments .

  14. Dr Fred Lenin

    Stevem ,had a t the guardian online it’s crap for real news but top marks for imaginative writing ,if it didn’t happen read the full story there . Sort of reminded me of Harry Potter ,but not as entertaining .

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