Guest Author: Justinian the Great: The Race that Stops the Government – Wentworth Stakes

With the spring racing carnival in full flight it is timely to check the form guide of Morrison stables for the remainder of the carnival.

While all the attention today is on the race that stops the nation, being a stayers race Morrison stables doesn’t have any runners. So we need to go back to the race that stopped a government, the Wentworth Stakes, as a guide to future form.

Despite punters hopes for a stronger showing the group two Wentworth Stakes have confirmed the worst. Morrison stables have mismanaged a plethora of prized gift horses with all coming up lame.

Promising hopefuls such as “Neg’s Dead”, “Paris Dreaming”, “Trans-Sense”, “Guthrie Gone”, “Electricity Bill”, have all been put out to pasture, while five time Wentworth Stakes winner “Malcontent” is said to be spooking the entire stable.

Veterinary experts put this down to the blinkers coming off for the first time. That, and the sire’s inability to seed “Legacy”, a somewhat flighty but nonetheless discerning filly known to reject inferior bloodlines lacking in group one performance.

The early money (postal) was strong for the imported colt “Snaked Sharma” which was backed in at odds of 2-1. As race day approached the odds narrowed but “Snaked Sharma” remained the toppy given a favourable barrier draw.

In this weight for age race, main rival – the Double Bay grey, “PhelpLap” – a mare with confusing Labor / independent connections, was considered handicapped out of line honours carrying some 19% of pendulum weight in the saddle bag.

However, it turns out the Morrison stable (like its predecessor) once again fatally misjudged the condition of the track. Believing climate change and rising seas would render the track heavy, Morrison stables banked on stewards being open to relocate the race to Jerusalem. They were wrong.

Worse still, the track was firm, contrary to Morrison stables expert consensus, and clearly biased to wind assisted, long sweeping left turns. Moreover, the centre right sections of the track were seriously chopped up which Morrison stables had caused.

This was a consequence of an organised and protracted send-off enabling “Malcontent” one last parade around Wentworth. Prancing up and down the straight, away from the winners circle, “Malcontent” let loose defecating all over the place, to the rapturous applause of the Wentworth faithful.

These series of mistakes left “Snaked Sharma” hopelessly ill-prepared leading up to the race and unable to adapt to actual track conditions on the big day. Runners that relied on unadulterated past weather records and proven strategies were perfectly primed.

If preparations were poor, race day strategy and tactics were abysmal. The first bad sign was that “Snaked Sharma” was factious (to a moderate degree) getting into the starters gate, appearing edgy and uncomfortable in the famous blue silks.

Pre-race jitters were exacerbated when moments before the race a hush swept across the 105,000 strong crowd. A rumour had spread from the ABC bird cage that “PhelpLap” had succumbed to a virus and might be scratched.

However, when her running mate “FakeNews” was spotted it became apparent that it was in fact a botched doping attempt allegedly by the connections of “Snaked Sharma”. This put the colt into a lather.

One late scratching that should be mentioned was the highly fancied Arabian “Ignoble Prince”. Seen entering the stables mid-morning the stallion was never seen again. The connections veterinarian declined to comment on the condition of the horse but was later seen sharing a charcuterie platter with the horses strapper. Both were in a jovial mood.

To the race. “Snaked Sharma” was slow out of the starters gate. This enabled the undersized “Singapore Sling”, a maiden mudlark sired by “Malcontent” to dam “My Little Pony”, with Chinese connections, to cut across and box “Snaked Sharma” into the rails.

Inexplicably at the first turn “Singapore Sling” reflexively veered left instead of right crashing into poorly placed hedges concealing the track’s solar panels, ironically installed for the growing night-time Trots calendar (not a race). The gelding came up lame and green shields were immediately erected.

This opened up space for “Snaked Sharma’ which made up ground and took position on the heels of “Amanda Mount” (a crowd favourite at the Oxford street end). This seemed a last minute, pre-race gamble from the Morrsion stable hoping that from this cover a space would up between “Higher Ed” and “Lower Marx” offering a straight line to the post.

The gambit failed. “Lower Marx” checked “Higher Ed” to the near side (left) forcing “Higher Ed” into a collision with the Antifa runner “Freedom Rules ” in turn forcing “Snaked Sharmar” into wideno cover territory robbing it any decent chance of victory.

Despite a valiant swoop down the outside “Snaked Sharma” couldn’t close the gap going down by a nose to “PhelpLap” who ran a near perfect race marred only by an early misstep with “Bulked Billings”.

Fast out the starters gate “PhelpLap” quickly settled in near side (left), behind “RefuGeeGees”, which was a surprise late inclusion.

Thought to be held indefinitely in quarantine the Arabian bolter (presumed but of unknown origin) from Green and Weed stables got a last minute start after the New Zealand runner “Open Doors” tragically drowned making the Tasman crossing.

Known for their explosive but short lived speed, the Arabian (presumed) sentimental favourite sadly lived up to expectations collapsing mid-race taking half the field with it. “PhelpLap” extended her stride and from that point on the race was hers.

So there we have it. “PhelpLap” won by a nose. “Snaked Sharma” despite a close finish in second was finished before the race even started. Rounding out the trifecta was “Low Energy” the BS stables runner which was the unseen hero of the day.

Stone motherless was the indigenous stayer “Red Rock”. It’s connections have filed a protest arguing its chances were stolen when their prized grey was unfairly handicapped by post-colonial stewards. They are also seeking a share of the prize money for running the race on their sacred track.

Colourful regular Photios (who earlier had attended to the unpleasant matters behind the green screen) cleaned up on the result and was seen celebrating in the winners circle with the connections of “Black Hand”, widely thought to be part of the secretive “PhelpLap” syndicate.

The stakes were high in Wentworth despite its group two status and having failed to take line honours there is little form to see Morrison stables playing a major role in any of the feature races coming up.

Claims Morrison stables will take Paris line honours in in a canter now look dubious to say the least. The smart money (some punters plunging $100b) is backing the foreign raiders “Rent Seeker” and “Self Interest”.

With so many gift horses coming up lame the stable is dependent on an underperforming stock of mostly old and tired runners. This is how we rate some of the more notable runners:

The gelding “Mincing Poodle” is that far from the winners circle it should be headed for the glue factory.

“World of Payne” has a habit of failing to make correct weight, is unsuited for feature racing, and has failed at every international event.

“Go Fryde a Negg” is constantly low on energy and has a habit of being knuckled under pressure.

“Bishops Opening” never pays out, always finishing second. In its last start it didn’t even place.

“Simple Simon” is always fractious to the trainers.

“No Joy/ce” has a tendancy to pig root.

So there you have it. The form on Morrison Stables having lost Wentworth Stakes.

This spring carnival the smart money will be on the runners at BS stables especially for the big one!

On the nose!

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11 Responses to Guest Author: Justinian the Great: The Race that Stops the Government – Wentworth Stakes

  1. Dr Fred Lenin

    I think the stewards should haul the morrison stable before them to explain why they are not really tring to win the election stakes. They look distinctly like they are pulling the horse . They were given a chance when the notorious crooked jockey was barred for life and the new jockey morrison got the ride . Since then there has beenno improvement in form . The horse has a great chance to beat the spavined nag ALP and its dubious jockey shorten who is u der suspicion for unprofessional conduct. The stewards will be merciless in pursuing this, Careers could come to a shattering g end ,and deservedly so ,as usual the sufferers will be the punters.

  2. RobK

    Well done. The punters remain in the complimentry beer tents.

  3. Big_Nambas

    Why waste all this time and energy? Just say it, their fucked!!!!

  4. Leo G

    This spring carnival the smart money will be on the runners at BS stables especially for the big one!

    Today’s winners cynically won on the back of a double negative (cross/counter). Even a cynic has no prospect of a win from the result of next year’s autumn carnival big event. It’s a quinella-only, two-horse race- the result is the same regardless of the order at the finish. All punters will be net losers.

  5. Shy Ted

    Don’t suppose any of the lame ones will be put down?

  6. PB

    Pig-root.

    That’s awful,…..but…..yes.

    Repeatedly it seems.

  7. Leo G

    Don’t suppose any of the lame ones will be put down?

    The Photios finish is just such a put-down.

  8. Percy Popinjay

    Morrison Stables

    Time they were all shipped off to the glue factory.

    Thankfully, at the next election, they will be.

  9. OldOzzie

    Superb Satire – very enjoyable

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