Tuesday Forum: July 23, 2019

This entry was posted in Open Forum. Bookmark the permalink.

2,102 Responses to Tuesday Forum: July 23, 2019

1 7 8 9
  1. egg_

    2019 U.P. Big Boy 4014 The Great Race Across the Midwest

    Duluth, Minnesota?
    It’s like an episode of Fargo.

  2. Knuckle Dragger

    Yes, quite familiar with Dry July thank you very much LL.

    I’ve just racked up the double ton myself today.

    200 days.

  3. JC

    Rosamund Pike is a really good looking woman. Hard 9.

  4. Knuckle Dragger

    I am on the verge of flying to Melbourne and killing McAvaney with my bare hands.

  5. Leigh Lowe

    Paddies require 182 to beat the Poms.
    At Lords.
    Start of day 3.
    The world has gone mad.

  6. Frank Walker from National Tiles

    Oh God, I’ve seen it all now.

    Rosamund Pike is a really good looking woman. Hard 9.

    I’ll admit, I’m intrigued…

  7. feelthebern

    Rosamund Pike is a really good looking woman. Hard 9.

    WTF?

  8. calli

    Beware the pale Caesarstone (or similar) benchtop, Lizzie.

    They show up red wine and coffee spills if not tidied up immediately. I did warn you aeons ago.

    If you’ve got marble, ignore the above. Just don’t plonk the stemware down too hard.

  9. feelthebern

    I will say she has a firm set of tits.
    You saw them in Gone Girl.
    Unfortunately, the view of them was spoiled by Ben Aflecks c0ck.

  10. Knuckle Dragger

    Rosamund Pike.

    Mannequin.

  11. Leigh Lowe

    Knuckle Dragger

    #3116318, posted on July 26, 2019 at 9:37 pm

    I am on the verge of flying to Melbourne and killing McAvaney with my bare hands.

    Do it.
    Can I transfer some frequent flyer points to get it done?
    Fuck he is annoying.
    Worse when Buuddddeeeee is playing … which isn’t often.

  12. Dave in Marybrook

    *solid 9.
    “Hard” suggests other things…. like botox and silicone.

  13. Knuckle Dragger

    I have it on good authority that Caesarstone is an excellent surface for preparing sammiches for men.

    Spillage, both minor and major may be remedied with the vigorous application of a cat.

  14. feelthebern

    I’ve watched the Jimmy Dore Mueller take down twice now.
    Jeez I’m laughing hard.
    Jimmy Dore is a far far left ideologue.
    As is Matt Taibbi & Glenn Greenwald.
    But they be truthful when it comes to covering US politics.
    Name an Australia extreme left commentator, journo, columnist who you can say the same about?

  15. calli

    If Lizzie can talk about benchtops and splashbacks, I can mention my ugly head in public.

    KD, do what the (ahem) large bald lady I saw at the Empire State Building did – cover your no1 cut with glitter.

    Sure to entertain the littlies.

  16. Frank Walker from National Tiles

    Matt Taibbi

    Honest, and also off his chops.

  17. Top Ender

    I always thought Aboriginal rock art was painted over time and again, but apparently not so – there was a secret technique which made it last thousands of years.

  18. feelthebern

    Honest, and also off his chops.

    He’s made it clear he wants to be this generations Hunter S.

  19. Knuckle Dragger

    calli,

    If I do that, can I scream blue murder and get on TV if passers-by touch it, like the Glitter Tits festival chicks?

    Because if so, I’m in.

  20. Bruce in WA

    I will say she has a firm set of tits.
    You saw them in Gone Girl.
    Unfortunately, the view of them was spoiled by Ben Aflecks c0ck.

    Yes, well … they have been … cosmetically … assisted.

  21. Nick

    I am on the verge of flying to Melbourne and killing McAvaney with my bare hands.

    The silly fag is saying the toothless ones can do it.

  22. Steve trickler

    Impressive work from tiny brains.



  23. Leigh Lowe

    A car-jacker just put a nail in the coffin of the car thieves.

  24. Zulu Kilo Two Alpha

    I always thought Aboriginal rock art was painted over time and again, but apparently not so – there was a secret technique which made it last thousands of years.

    It’s not as though pulling the legs of gullible whitefella was never recognized as fine sport by the indigenous, though, was it?

  25. It’s Remarkable

    Just wondering, looking at the AFL – is it now almost obligatory to have much of the body covered in tattoos to be a player these days. Not only applies to AFL, but also rugby league and union too.
    Looks seriously ugly and smacks of too few brain cells, coupled with too much time and available cash.

  26. mh

    Not quite boys night material, still…

    Get the Look: Emily Ratajkowski’s gorgeous glow

    https://www.foxnews.com/lifestyle/get-the-look-emily-ratajkowski

  27. Nick

    Mh, far better then squalid old bats here pretending to be some sort of sirens lol

  28. mh

    Emily is definitely boys night material. I meant the story may not be, make up, etc.

    Those eyes… and lips… OMG

  29. Top Ender

    looking at the AFL – is it now almost obligatory to have much of the body covered in tattoos to be a player these days

    Trying to bash that into the head of one of the daughters….fashion comes and goes, but why condemn yourself to a fashion that will be with you forever.

  30. Knuckle Dragger

    Rajatkowski!

    Prepubescent!

    GAAAAAH! We were all warned!

    Warned, I tell you!

  31. Leigh Lowe

    Fuck.
    Bruce McAvaney just said that Eddie Maguire’s sons are “good looking boys”.
    Is there any doubt about Bruce?

  32. Zulu Kilo Two Alpha

    Trying to bash that into the head of one of the daughters….fashion comes and goes, but why condemn yourself to a fashion that will be with you forever.

    When the eagle on the young and perky breast turns into the vulture on Grandma’s sagging boob….

  33. Knuckle Dragger

    Jesus wept.

    Ireland are 5/24 hoping to get 182 for the win.

  34. Knuckle Dragger

    I meant 6/24.

  35. Mater

    I always thought Aboriginal rock art was painted over time and again, but apparently not so – there was a secret technique which made it last thousands of years.

    The recent revelations about ancient aboriginal technology leads me to only one conclusion…the existence of South Wakanda.
    My search begins tomorrow…or the next day.

  36. mh

    Fox News reporting on Downer

    RUSSIA INVESTIGATIONPublished 49 mins ago
    DOJ’s Russia probe review focusing on ‘smoking gun’ tapes of meeting with Trump aide: sources

    https://www.foxnews.com/politics/dojs-russia-probe-review-focusing-on-tapes-of-talks-with-trump-aide-sources

  37. Leigh Lowe

    Paddies wobbling.
    John the Bookie distraught.

  38. Knuckle Dragger

    I meant 7/32.

    In other news, Bwooce’s public admiration of the McGuire scions has hit Faceache.

    Predictably and justifiably, he’s being pilloried.

  39. Nick

    In other news, Bwooce’s public admiration of the McGuire scions has hit Faceache.

    Oh. Just awful.

  40. Knuckle Dragger

    I meant 8/36.

  41. Knuckle Dragger

    I meant 9/36.

  42. calli

    Not much Muellering on TV here this morning.

    Suspect it’s lost its appeal.

    Oh, and Trump is still President.

  43. Knuckle Dragger

    I meant Ireland have been bowled out for 38, the lowest ever Test score at Lord’s in 15.4 overs.

    Lunacy.

  44. 132andBush

    EmRata looks as fake as Bill Shorten was sincere.

  45. John Constantine

    Two bowlers and ninety odd deliveries between them, in a morning to mop up a Test that did have its moments.

    [ Australia announce their Ashes squad, with Bancroft returning and Labushagne the back-up spinner.]

    Turning pitches might be the go.

  46. Perfidious Albino

    I admit i had a thing for Rosamunde Pike a good 10 years ago – English rose and all that, in hindsight, doesn’t come across as being a warm personality though…

  47. max

    “OHH RIOLI, CLEVERRRRRRR little chip, squeezes it out, SCRUMPTIOUS – I’d just love receiving Cyril’s probing delivery down my throat all night long – wouldn’t you?”

  48. Knuckle Dragger

    ‘Geez, you’d just think that if the Pies were to just get the next eight goals they’d be back in it, wouldn’t you?’

  49. Knuckle Dragger

    Good news. Tomorrow night Raelene Castle’s pavlova-bringers will get bent over the ute by Argentina.

    I shall watch this and be faintly amused.

    If I’m not in Hell by then.

  50. max

    Oooooooooh he arches his back and unloads

  51. Elizabeth (Lizzie) Beare

    I have it on good authority that Caesarstone is an excellent surface for preparing sammiches for men.
    Spillage, both minor and major may be remedied with the vigorous application of a cat.

    I can do both, KD, no worries. Calli, the man today assured me that red wine and coffee spills nix problemo, wipe ’em off, but he didn’t stress immediately or else, just said don’t put very hot saucepans directly on to it or it may crack. Anyway, it looks good and it is not as much trouble as pure marble, which doesn’t come with shiny bits in it like this. They are glinting and glittering in a fabulous and lively succession as I walk around the kitchen.

    This new kitchen is entirely for show as everyone knows I don’t really cook. I ordered it when enthused with an old re-run of Grand Designs, the one where they built over a Scottish Lake using pile drivers, and then glitzed the place up with lights and shiny things. They also had a light wall that was a sort of fish tank with real fish in it, but Hairy says such a wall would remind him of one of those restaurants where you play Roman Emperor at the Colosseum and pick the one to die that day for your gustatory pleasure. Not that the Roman Emperors were cannibals; don’t get me wrong. They were just tender-hearted family men married to women who offered them poisoned food and they killed entirely for pleasure.

    Tinta can come and try this new sink. She was a dab hand washing up in the old one when the dishwasher was out of action for Cat Chrissy drinks. My friend has a new one exactly the same – grey granite with a faint glint in its eye, made in Chermany – and hers cracked right across at the first splash of boiling water and had to be replaced. A new Miele can now take care of the washings up for Tinta (and for me), so the sink is just a fashion statement anyway. Function gives way to form and statement in kitchens these days anyway. I have another friend who has just put in a designer kitchen – not surprising as she is an interior designer – and her kitchen is more gorgeous than functional. Its ‘island benchtop’ is as long as our dining table on full extension. A bit like a railway carriage, but of course I would not mention that. She is currently in New York collecting new ideas.

  52. Bar Beach Swimmer

    Trying to bash that into the head of one of the daughters….fashion comes and goes, but why condemn yourself to a fashion that will be with you forever

    ZK2A, because, in the main, modern tats are very dark, thick blocks of colour the risk of undetected skin cancer is a very real risk. Why not download photos of what her future “look” would be, given time, sun and gravity?

  53. zyconoclast

    ZK2A, because, in the main, modern tats are very dark, thick blocks of colour the risk of undetected skin cancer is a very real risk. Why not download photos of what her future “look” would be, given time, sun and gravity?

    Unicorns become rhinos and dolphins become whales.

  54. Knuckle Dragger

    Yerg.

    Mental imagery of front-of-ponderous-thigh-tatted skanks.

    Fucking Ireland.

    Fucking Collingwood.

    I’m going to read about how Franco and his Army of Africa cut the hands off communists in 1937.

  55. Elizabeth (Lizzie) Beare

    Dragging Hairy to bed now. We were going out, but he has come down with man flu and is consigned to in-home intensive care requiring strict adherence to his self-prescribed medication. It’s a mystery why he thinks doubling the alcohol dose will help; a fanciful self-invented remedy I suspect but one he claims works every time. I offer him a top up of two Panadol. Doing my best. G’nite all.

  56. Zulu Kilo Two Alpha

    I’m going to read about how Franco and his Army of Africa cut the hands off communists in 1937.

    What’s the title?

  57. Knuckle Dragger

    ‘The Battle for Spain’ – one of Beevor’s.

    An earlier work, but still excellent reading. I’m amazed how many of the leading lights on both sides, the German and Russian proxies ended up facing off each other again at Stalingrad.

  58. Elizabeth (Lizzie) Beare

    ’m going to read about how Franco and his Army of Africa cut the hands off communists in 1937.
    What’s the title?

    Cat collective men’s shed book club now in session. Time to go, Kittehs. Kitchen talk that-a-way.

  59. Lazlo

    I am guessing that Franco’s men may have misinterpreted the order to “disarm” their captives, resulting in amputations. They could have been from Barcelona, or oreilly men.

  60. Knuckle Dragger

    One was possibly a hideous orangutang.

  61. Zulu Kilo Two Alpha

    ‘The Battle for Spain’ – one of Beevor’s.

    That’s on the “to read pile.” Beevor wrote quite a good book on the battle for Arnhem.

    I’m reading a very good biography of Ho Chi Minh. Someone – can’t remember who – posted up thread about their “Inbred Crap Detector.” Seems to have let them down rather badly when it came to Ho Chi Minh. “Uncle Ho” fooled quite a few “useful idiots.”

  62. Old School Conservative

    Zulu Kilo Two Alpha
    #3116381, posted on July 26, 2019 at 11:30 pm
    I’m going to read about how Franco and his Army of Africa cut the hands off communists in 1937.

    What’s the title?

    It’s called How Franco and his Army of Africa cut the hands off communists in 1937
    Sorry. Couldn’t resist.

  63. Knuckle Dragger

    And when that’s done I’ve got Top Ender’s ‘Lethality in Combat’ ready to go.

    If it’s shit my plan is to hang around at the Trailer Boat Club, wait for him to turn up (I saw him in a recent TV doco) and get my $40 back.

  64. Zulu Kilo Two Alpha

    Time to go, Kittehs. Kitchen talk that-a-way.

    Secret woman’s business.

  65. Knuckle Dragger

    Ham and cheese, Lizzie. Steak sauce, and would it kill you to toast it?

  66. Leigh Lowe

    Max, I think Bwuce described Cyril Rioli as “delicious”, not “scrumptious”.
    But still gay as.

  67. Leigh Lowe

    Knuckle Dragger

    #3116392, posted on July 26, 2019 at 11:42 pm

    Ham and cheese, Lizzie. Steak sauce, and would it kill you to toast it?

    Puh-lease.
    She has no kitchen.
    Drive down to the servo and get us a kebab, Lizzie.

  68. Leigh Lowe

    This place ain’t so bad when Private Smollet is AWOL.

  69. Zulu Kilo Two Alpha

    Puh-lease.
    She has no kitchen.
    Drive down to the servo and get us a kebab, Lizzie.

    You ouens like to live dangerously, don’t you?

  70. Old School Conservative

    It’s that time of night again.
    Turn off the French travelogue/Tour de France, knowing as soon as my head hits the sack something exciting will happen.
    So far this race I’ve slept through two Aussie stage wins, one punch-up, and several crashes.

    Priorities.

  71. Fat Tony

    Leigh Lowe
    #3116395, posted on July 26, 2019 at 11:47 pm
    Knuckle Dragger

    #3116392, posted on July 26, 2019 at 11:42 pm

    Ham and cheese, Lizzie. Steak sauce, and would it kill you to toast it?

    Puh-lease.
    She has no kitchen.
    Drive down to the servo and get us a kebab, Lizzie.

    And make it snappy woman – I’m hungry

  72. Leigh Lowe

    Knuckle Dragger

    #3116374, posted on July 26, 2019 at 11:12 pm

    Good news. Tomorrow night Raelene Castle’s pavlova-bringers will get bent over the ute by Argentina

    Amazing.
    A good proportion of Australian rugby followers genuinely want the Wabballies to take it up the arse.
    Way to detonate a sport, Vicar.

  73. Leigh Lowe

    So far this race I’ve slept through two Aussie stage wins, one punch-up, and several crashes.

    Thin men should avoid steroids if they are going to ride bicycles in close formation with other thin men.
    It ends in tears and overhand slapping.

  74. DrBeauGan

    The rice didn’t work. The phone has been put back in the rice and will go to a technician on Monday if it hasn’t recovered by then.

    Maria has hit on a new way to monetise me. She explained that her daughter starts school soon and needs three pairs of shoes. I think someone else put her up to this because she can’t really believe that her fanny can have less allure than a well shod child. I am thinking of suggesting that we go shopping on Saturday, tomorrow. For shoes for Angeli. I am inclined to predict she will make a date then stand me up again.

    I enjoy taking her out to dinner. She is beautiful, sexy and chatty. The waitress hates her.

    I think I’m a financial loss however. I cost her a whole evening and all she gets is food and fifty cuc. I imagine she can do much better at home.

  75. DrBeauGan

    What happened to Tom?

  76. 1735099

    A victory for religious freedom in regional Australia.
    Mosques are nothing new in the bush.
    One was built in Maree in South Australia in the 1860s.
    There’s no record of protests back then.

  77. 1735099

    What happened to Tom?

    I sacked him.
    First Dog is the replacement.

  78. Mater

    Bendigo’s bush is it, Bob.
    3rd largest town in Victoria (after GEELONG) and was considered the world richest town in the 1880’s.
    One only needs to visit and speak to the locals to get a idea about the real feeling around the Mosque and how it came about.
    Whether it was righteous or not, it is going to be a continuing source of decisiveness for the town. Celebrate that if you wish…or perhaps you see that as a feature, not a bug.

  79. Twostix

    Imagine being a 70 year old pop leftist.

    Do you have an earing too, numbers?

  80. Twostix

    He absolutely hates the regional australian everyman. Imagine being a pop leftist age 70 in regional QLD for the last fifty years.

    “You’ll pay for not being plagued by a lifetime mental illness like I am!!” He screamed inside at them. “Haha have a great big mosque!!!”.

    This is what drives all of this, from numbers to the loser bugman lickspittle. They are outcasts who hate regular people and want to nake them as miserable inside as they are.

  81. 1735099

    Imagine being a 70 year old pop leftist.

    Here’s a challenge for you, old mate.
    Publish a comment without reference to “left” or “leftist”
    And I don’t have an earing.

  82. Mater

    “You’ll pay for not being plagued by a lifetime mental illness like I am!!” He screamed inside at them. “Haha have a great big mosque!!!”.

    Bob hasn’t had the pleasure of pulling stock piles of weapons and explosives out of Mosques and seeing them used as military command centres. He thinks watching the Americans put a Zippo lighter to a few straw huts makes him an authority on all things ugly.
    He’s got a lot to learn, and not much time to do it.

  83. Twostix

    The blair era protobugmen wanted to punish the working classes for not stopping Thatcher so dropshipped 7 million hillbilly pakis into the hearts of their towns and let them set up slave trades.

    “rub the right’s nose in diversity” one swore.

    When you understand the heart of these people is filled with malice driven by their own personal alienation from the everyman (and his simole contentment which they can never have usually due to some life event fracturing their attachment to their community and so placing them on the outer forever) everything is easier to fathom.

  84. Twostix

    Lol bugman numbers is scared that his ultra nationalist one nation supporting, guns, god and tractors community will find out dear old 70 year old numbers, is actually a toowooban hating, far left zombie.

    He hides it! Ahahah I bet you pretend to be apolitical at social events don’t you numbers? Nobody in real life knows your true thoughts! That’s why you live here now!

  85. Rockdoctor

    New fred.

    Oh as I posted last night, Mater is spot on about Bendigo but the venom & vitriol of even having a considered opinion opposing the Mosque mean people keep it to themselves. Also they are sus they are about to become a dumping ground for the misfits in Melbourne like what happened in Seymour when the army handed back married quarters to Dept of housing to be filled with releasees from Pentridge & Dhurringile. That town is just starting to recover from that experiment. I was in Bendigo last year visiting a relative & there are still a lot of Mallee country boys about though not as many as when I was training to be a Geo but stand by for the hue & cry when some of these dudes on a weekend bundy bender spread pork products around the mosque site or vandalises it in some way.

  86. MatrixTransform

    This place ain’t so bad when Private Smollet is AWOL.

    this morning its gone from concocting hate crimes to concocting love crimes

  87. It’s Remarkable:

    Just wondering, looking at the AFL – is it now almost obligatory to have much of the body covered in tattoos to be a player these days. Not only applies to AFL, but also rugby league and union too.
    Looks seriously ugly and smacks of too few brain cells, coupled with too much time and available cash.

    It’s very good marker of poor impulse control – I’ve never gone out with a woman after I found their tattoo. (Some are in interesting spots and difficult to see at first glance.)

  88. Lizzie:

    We were going out, but he has come down with man flu and is consigned to in-home intensive care requiring strict adherence to his self-prescribed medication. It’s a mystery why he thinks doubling the alcohol dose will help; a fanciful self-invented remedy I suspect but one he claims works every time.

    Males of the species are very good at this sort of apothecarian mathematics.
    The treatment regime follows this flow chart:
    Are you crook?
    Are you drinking alcohol?
    If not, then commence.
    If you are, double it.
    What are the symptoms?
    ……
    Apothecarian mathematics is our secret super power.

  89. Kim Howard:

    Facts and figures anyone , your Gov your media .
    https://climateconference.heartland.org/

    I notice that it’s at Trumps place.
    Winning!

  90. Peter, formerly known as Memoryvault

    Test 2

  91. Cardimona

    Cardimona
    #3118186, posted on July 29, 2019 at 3:38 pm
    I’ve been away from the Cat for the past week researching and writing a speech for the eldest lad’s wedding.
    In it I describe how global warming and dogs created the conditions for modern monogamous marriage.
    2650 words, but – too long for the Cat?

    Peter, formerly known as Memoryvault
    #3118194, posted on July 29, 2019 at 3:46 pm
    2650 words, but – too long for the Cat?
    An alternative is to post it on the previous open thread (Tuesday Forum), then let people know it’s there. That way those of us who want to read it can, and those that don’t don’t have to scroll down through a lot of text.
    Win win for everybody.

    Thank you, Peter, that makes excellent sense, it is here.
    .. .. .. ..

    First, let’s show our appreciation of the newlyweds…
    ***lead applause***

    What a superb young couple!
    Perfect examples of young manhood and young womanhood – at their very finest!
    We have a lot to be proud of with this young couple.
    They’re the product of thousands of generations nurturing their young and developing and refining their intelligence and skills and physical abilities to be the best they can be!
    And now we see before us a man and a woman who are the ultimate exemplars of the most capable and amazing species ever seen in the 4 billion year history of life on Earth…
    ***lead more applause for newlyweds***

    My name is (Cardimona), I’m (Cardijunior’s) father, and I’ve been blessed to be married to this spectacular little unicorn for the past thirty-five years, (LilCrankyOne), (Cardijunior’s) mother.
    With the experience of 35 years of the roller-coaster that is a man’s life when he chooses to share it with a woman, and with the young Mr and Mrs (Cardijunior’s) wedding drawing closer, I began reflecting on exactly how marriage came about.
    To the detached alien observer, watching from orbit, marriage might seem somewhat illogical; men are usually more relaxed in the company of men, and women are better able to exchange feelings with women.
    So why do we have a tradition of putting somewhat-incompatible beings permanently in each other’s company when the procreative act doesn’t specifically require it?
    Well, there are good reasons for it and they’re not what you might think.
    And it took a truly amazing being to get involved and an unpredictable cosmic event to occur to make modern monogamous marriage desirable.
    And again, they’re not what you might think.
    Everything I’m about to say comes from written history, geological proxy records and contemporary published science.
    But you won’t have heard it strung together like this.
    So hang on.

    Let’s start at the beginning – 70,000 years ago – in equatorial Kenya – with our great-grandparents – 4,000 generations back.
    It was the middle of the last ice-age and life was tough.
    Clouds often blocked the sun, reflecting its life-giving warmth – but there was never much useful rain…
    When rain did fall it often came with cyclones, more fierce and frequent than anything we’ve seen in the last 10,000 years.
    The oceans were 140 metres lower than now, and much colder.
    The colder waters, in accordance with Henry’s Law, had absorbed much of the atmospheric carbon dioxide plants need to live.
    Plants were thin and sparse, as were the animals they supported.
    Our great-grandparents set off on a very long journey northwards in search of a better place to live, a friendlier climate, if you like.
    They were the first climate refugees.

    The journey was painfully slow because our great-grandparents were hunter-gatherers and had to find sources of food and water before moving the extended family – the tribe.
    They had to be sure they could survive.
    The men hunted game big enough to feed a tribe, and fought off threats to the women and children. Their mortality was high, and there was always many fewer men than women.
    The women gathered the salads, vegies, nuts and, you know, lentils and stuff, and hunted small game, lizards and yummy, crunchy bugs.
    (What? They did! Still do, in some places – Venezuela, for example)
    There was no monogamous marriage as we now know it 4,000 generations ago.
    Polyamory was normal, the young women feeling the breeding urge and the older women past breeding age dealt with the ever-present procreational urges of the men.
    This was a circumstance designed by the women for the benefit of the women; it permitted the new mothers more time to nurse each child before becoming pregnant again.
    The well-being of the infants and the children were paramount.
    Without them the tribe would die out.
    A real and ever-present danger.

    By 50,000 years ago our great-grandparents were living in the Near East and Southern Europe.
    They had found a good patch of country with an abundance of useful animals and plants.
    Our cousins, the Negritoes, had turned right where we went straight ahead, and they had crossed land-bridges and narrow waterways to arrive here in Far North Queensland 50,000 years ago.
    The real first Australians.
    Our other cousins had fanned out across Eurasia, and these included the Murrayians who were living up towards Japan and the Carpentarians who were down near Sri Lanka.

    By 40,000 years ago our European great-grandparents were spreading out through Europe, thriving on the more abundant wildlife in the wetter northern hemisphere.
    Our Murrayians cousins had made their way to Australia, which had even worse drought problems than Africa.
    Ice-age Australia could support the Negritoes, but once the Murrayians arrived the local mega-fauna were hunted to extinction.
    That ended any chance of the first or second waves of migrants to Australia harnessing the muscular power of other species for farming purposes, which in turn killed off any chance of technological development – as I’ll explain.
    Facing starvation, the Murrayians ate most of the Negritoes.
    The surviving Negritoes became highly elusive stealth ninjas, with their last tribe only dying out on the western slopes of Mt Bartle Frere, just over there, in the 1960s, from disease.
    But marriage, as we know it, still didn’t exist.

    Back in Europe, our great-grandparents had been seeing the wolf around quite a lot.
    The wolf, who had become a camp follower, was by no means the scariest predator they’d encountered
    And the wolf was interesting because it had a similar hunting method to their own – both used multiple members of their groups to run prey animals in wide circles until they dropped with exhaustion.
    After a time the wolves and the humans formed a bond and began helping each other hunt.
    It was only a small step from there to a place by the fire for the wolf.
    That branch of the wolf family had huge diversity latent within its genome.
    Eating meat scraps and bones that had been cooked by humans, thus making additional nutrients available, activated that genome and by 18,000 years ago that branch of the wolf family had become the dog.
    The dog was the incredible being who made modern monogamous marriage possible – as I’ll explain.

    It was, possibly coincidentally, around that time 18,000 years ago that global warming began and the last gasp of the glacial period, the Younger Dryas, started to lose its icy grip on the world.
    The temperatures started climbing up the scale into the current Holocene interstadial period, a geologically brief warm period in Earth’s typically ice-bound state.
    The global warming happened due to extra warmth and magnetospheric energisation from a more active sun.
    Earth’s magnetosphere is powered by electro-magnetic radiation from the sun acting against Earth’s rotating iron core.
    Magnetospheric energisation works to block the near-lightspeed sub-atomic particles known as galactic cosmic rays that streak into the upper atmosphere and cause nitrogen molecules to clump sufficiently to permit water droplet nucleation and the formation of clouds.
    Fewer galactic cosmic rays means fewer clouds and more life-giving warmth reaching the land and the oceans – which absorb heat and work as the Earth’s automatic thermostat.
    Lands around the world became sunnier and less windy, and rains came in more useful patterns.
    The cold oceans began giving up the dissolved carbon dioxide that the biosphere so desperately needed for growth, and life blossomed.
    Areas that had been cold, windy deserts started greening up, and the rivers flowed more reliably with the increased rainfall from the additional evaporation from the seas.

    It was also around then that our European great-grandparents had the brilliant idea to get the dog to help herd cattle, instead of just hunting them.
    Our great-grandparents then had a much more predictable supply of protein and animal husbandry had begun.
    This allowed the tribes to establish semi-permanent settlements, and the women began experimenting with growing their own plants instead of relying on wild supplies.
    Then, with cattle slowly becoming tamer, someone had another brilliant idea – to harness a beast to an improvised wooden plough and capitalise on its superior strength.
    Serious agriculture was born.
    With an ever-improving and more-reliable food supply, and the move towards trading instead of raiding, the male mortality rate began to reduce and the numbers of adult men and women began to equalise.
    With food surpluses and the individual loyalty of dogs came the concept of personally-owned property instead of tribally-shared property.
    Wealthy men claimed as many women as they could to bear their children and further their line and inherit their wealth.
    Polygamy became the norm in Europe and Asia.

    But here in Far North Queensland, the remnant first Australians and the second Australian were still doing it tough and were using fire-stick farming to assist the hunt and to replenish the grasslands for their primary game animals – the fleet-footed kangaroo family.
    As the oceans warmed and topped up the atmospheric carbon dioxide Australia’s vegetation thickened and fires carried further.
    Before long most of Australia’s fire-sensitive flora and fauna went extinct – except in isolated pockets.
    Then, 15,000 years ago, the third wave of migrants arrived across the northern land-bridge.
    These third Australians were the Carpentarians
    They were taller and swifter than the Murrayians and, because food was still scarce, they killed and ate most of them.
    The descendants of the surviving Murrayians are still living in the remote north-west of the Northern Territory.
    My point is, Australia has nearly always been a very harsh and unforgiving place, particularly so during ice-age conditions, and without a boost in technology and bio-diversity from somewhere else it was going to be treading water for a very long time.

    Then, about 9,000 years ago the Holocene Climate Optimum began.
    The world became several degrees warmer and much wetter than it had been during the glacial maximum.
    The seas steadily rose and closed Australia’s northern land-bridge about 7,000 years ago.
    No further waves of migrants would be walking to Far North Queensland from Asia.
    It was around then that the Great Barrier Reef started migrating from the edge of the continental shelf, 70 kilometres to the east of Cairns, to its current location.
    The story-songs of the local Carpentarians still remember the coastal plains gradually disappearing beneath the slowly-rising seas, and Fitzroy Island becoming separated from the mainland.
    The Torres Strait Islands were settled by their current occupants some 2,500 years ago.

    Meanwhile our European grandparents, with the skills obtained from training the dog and the cow, domesticated the horse, and later the pig and the goat.
    As farmed grain harvest quantities increased, storage became an issue as some of the harvest was always lost to rats and mice.
    At that point the cat, already a camp follower, showed its usefulness by hunting the rodents and protecting the grain, so earning its own place by the fire.
    The lower male mortality of settled agricultural life brought the two sexes closer again to numerical equality.
    Jealousy in the male, and possessiveness in the female, began making polygamous marriages difficult to manage.
    The men of the time viewed marriage as a profitable economic partnership, very useful for maintaining possession of acquired property, and for passing it on to their heirs, with the sexual relationship a somewhat secondary consideration.
    Women also proved to be willing accomplices and the most-loyal of workers in the family business.
    And so, monogamous unions became the norm.
    Monogamous marriage is, therefore, an entirely artificial construct, its origin story is not from our ancient tribal days but from the development of modern civilisation during the Holocene Climate Optimum.
    Monogamous marriage was seeded by the dog and got its energy from global warming driven by the sun.

    About 5,000 years ago the warm Holocene Climate Optimum ended as the solar cycle waned.
    The world’s climate cooled, agriculture suffered, some rivers became intermittent, and sea levels fell a couple of metres as glaciers grew on mountains that had been, for a time, ice-free.
    Here in Australia the Carpentarians were having increasingly difficult times, eventually dwindling to around 500 tribes sparsely scattered across a vast, dry continent.
    While our great-grandparents spread throughout Europe, incrementally growing their skills and technology, our Australian cousins were stranded in time and place.

    The cooler climate of the post-Optimum period did include a few small flushes of warmth.
    Each warm peak led to an even-greater human civilisation: the Egyptian, Minoan, Roman, Medieval, and the current modern warm periods all boosted humans into prosperity.
    Prosperity gave us thinking time – and with it ever-improving technology.
    And the dog, who helped launch the farming practices that in turn led to the evolution of technology, was still with us, still looking out for our stuff.

    As the late, great historian Will Durant put it, “The institutions, conventions, customs and laws that make up the complex structure of our society are the work of a hundred centuries and a billion minds.”
    And some of the minds there at the beginning were the dogs’.

    About 700 years ago we had a particularly nasty solar minimum and global cooling period, known as the Little Ice Age, and it lasted through until just 170 years ago.
    The Dark Ages descended on Europe during that time, food and resources became scarce, wars were fought, millions died.
    By the time we were starting to thaw out from that, several European nations had already acquired sufficient understanding of maths, engineering, astronomy, and weather systems to be able to undertake extended open-ocean voyages in small wooden sailing ships.
    249 years ago, Lieutenant James Cook sailed into Botany Bay and greeted our long-lost cousins, the Carpentarians.
    As the eminent Australian historian Professor Geoffrey Blainey noted, “Two cultures came face to face on that momentous day, in 1770. One had never discovered how to boil water, the other had just invented the steam engine.”
    While the Carpentarians had brought their dogs with them to Australia, the absence of a large, strong quadruped to herd or harness stymied any technological or agricultural development.

    Nonetheless, for the most part, the fourth Australians helped lift the third Australians and the remnants of the second Australians out of their desperate situations.
    And so our great-grandparents and our cousins eventually joined forces to build the greatest nation this landmass has ever seen.
    An example of our technological proficiency lies outside – Lake Motherlode, held back by the steel and concrete Motherlode Dam.
    We also welcomed additional waves of migrants: Chinese, southern and eastern Europeans, Asians, Middle Easterners and North Africans.
    Fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth Australians etc.
    My direct line of recent ancestry were English settlers who arrived in Sydney in the 1850s.
    These included a great-uncle, (Memoryvault), who was the engineer who first sealed the muddy streets of Sydney with hardwood blocks back in 1880.
    Some of them are still beneath the road in George St.
    My actual great-grandfather was (Stimpson J. Cat), who was the first Shire President, what we’d now call Mayor, of Blacktown, west of Sydney, back in 1905.
    (Stimpson) founded Toongabbie and built a grand manor house there
    The suburb of (Stimpson), near Blacktown, is named after (Stimpson J. Cat).

    And that brings us up to date.
    That’s the story of monogamous marriage and how we came to be where we are in 21st-century technological Australia.
    It’s all came to be because of the dog and global warming.
    So where to now?
    Well, Christianity, which has been a fantastically beneficial system to establish moral standards and nurture science over many centuries has been displaced by a mad Millenarian pseudo-religion that seeks to demonise humanity on the basis of a confected science.
    It seeks to change the meaning of words, like marriage, and the relationships those words describe.
    That madness must be fought.
    Today’s young marrieds have a fight on their hands.
    That fight is being called “the culture wars”.
    This is what its warriors look like.
    Bless you both!
    ****lead applause for bride and groom****

  92. notafan

    Great speech cardimona.

    You got a boot in on a few issues there.

    Any sour faces in the audience?

  93. Cardimona

    Not on our side, Nota, because they’d all heard all this from me many times before.
    It is the role of the older and wiser to inform the young at significant gatherings.
    They know that.

    Bit different on the bride’s side.
    Some shocked faces… astonished a better word…
    Like I told them their god never existed and everything they thought they knew was wrong.
    Which I might have.
    But they took it well.
    It’s a lot to process if they’re new to the ideas…
    But hopefully cognitive dissonance will have its educational effect over time.

    The culture wars.
    “We must fight them on the beaches…”

  94. Cardimoma:
    That is a brilliant speech.
    Just awesome.
    I’ve stolen it and will use it without accreditation.
    🙂
    Thanks – it’s gone straight to the poolroom.

1 7 8 9

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.