Who is the bigger turd? It’s a toss up.

Read the below ditty from today’s Australian and then consider which of the protagonists is the greater turd.  The one who takes the bottle or the one that Googles and then leaks the tale of which bottle was served.

The wine bottle Googler may think he was short changed on the wine served, but consider also who most likely paid for his travel costs to this soiree.  Probably not the Googler.

Malcolm and Lucy Turnbull hosted a consolation meal at their Sydney mansion for Bill Shorten last year, but only splashed out for a $17 bottle of vino.

The story goes that Turnbull got on the blower after Scott Morrison’s miracle in May and suggested a dinner party next time Shorten was in town so the unlikely friends could break bread over common enemies (we assume it’s a long list including successors Morrison and Anthony Albanese).

On the way to Point Piper, Shorten stopped at a bottle shop and forked out $100 for two nice bottles of red and white. A friend advised the former Labor leader that protocol dictates the guest bring a bottle as a gift and then the host dips into the cellar for some of the good stuff.

Remember, during his time as prime minister Turnbull curated a taxpayer-funded collection of over 370 bottles, worth close to $9000.

As expected, Shorten’s bottles were promptly put in the cupboard and Turnbull placed a different drop on the table.

Assuming it was a wine to remember, Shorten memorised the label. By all accounts the trio had a delightful dinner with many laughs. In the cab home, Shorten googled the Turnbulls’ wine and found it on special for $17 at Dan Murphys.

Strewth confirmed the tall tale, first told by Turnbull impersonator and Triple M host Lawrence Mooney on Monday, with sources. Our spies wouldn’t name the wine, saying only that it was similar to budget bottle Annie’s Lane.

Turnbull is estimated to be worth around $200m. So why the bottom-of-the-barrel bottle? Is he a touch of a tight-arse or did he not think Shorten had the palate to appreciate his plonk?

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35 Responses to Who is the bigger turd? It’s a toss up.

  1. Tafkas:

    So why the bottom-of-the-barrel bottle?

    Ummm…
    Because Turnbull is a nasty, vindictive, lying prick?
    And so is Shorten.

  2. John64

    Who is the bigger turd?

    Now that IS one of life’s questions to which there can be no definitive answer.

  3. Angus Black

    If Shorten couldn’t decide whether he liked the wine by the way it tasted, how would knowledge of its price help him?

    I carry no torch for Turnbull – it doesn’t surprise me for a second to find out he’s mean as stink – but I’m assuming he and Lucy also drank what he offered the guests?

  4. Simon

    In business a secret meeting like this would be considered cartel behaviour

  5. duncanm

    Its like the two of them are chasing each other around the bowl.

    The metaphor works better with an American style crapper.

  6. Des Deskperson

    ‘On the way to Point Piper, Shorten stopped at a bottle shop and forked out $100 for two nice bottles of red and white. A friend advised the former Labor leader that protocol dictates the guest bring a bottle as a gift and then the host dips into the cellar for some of the good stuff.’

    I know the story is supposed to be against Turnbull, but this bit – both the outlay and the, err, advice – makes Shorten look like some gormless parvenue hick trying to impress.

    And Annie’s Lane riesling is currently retailing at $11.95 per bottle at Dan Murphy’s. On the other hand, you can sometimes get quite a reasonable bottle of wine at around $17 from Dan Murphy.

    And they only had one bottle the whole night??

  7. Portarlington Reds are Good

    Turnbull should have served a nice Bellarine red from Portarlington.

  8. candy

    Made-up nonsense.
    Sounds like a story for a sitcom.

  9. Robbo

    When it comes to being a miserable mean shit Turnbull leads the pack by the proverbial country mile. The only reason Shorten got the invite was because Turnbull wanted to get as much dirt as he could on all the people still in Parliament that he hates. Amusingly he thinks that Shorten would have dirt on many Liberals, the ones that Turnbull hates the most, when Shorten’s hate list would have only Labor people on it. Malcolm is so bloody stupid he invited the wrong person for dinner. He should have called up Julie Bishop. Not only would she be delighted to knife her ex colleagues but she wouldn’t have a clue what is a good wine so he could have saved a bit more by filling her glass with an el cheapo cleanskin.

  10. Ian of Perth

    A thoroughly despicable human being…

  11. Buccaneer

    One thing is clear from this story, both of them are a plonker..

  12. Narwhal Tusk

    They only had one bottle between them?
    Cheapskates. Par for the course actually.

  13. Is he a touch of a tight-arse or did he not think Shorten had the palate to appreciate his plonk?

    Turdball wouldn’t think Shortarse was worthy of treating to a good wine. His invitation wasn’t because of friendship or similar, but simply trying to curry future favour if the need arose.

  14. Dr Faustus

    Sounds like the product of Lawrence Mooney’s imagination, backed up by ‘sources’.

    Unless Turnbull set Billy up for the classic ‘Beef n’ Burgandy’ wine snob test, the story is only likely to have come from Shorten himself. And Shorten is a careful curator of People Who Might Help Shorten – and far more likely to keep his tongue attached to Turnbull’s nether regions than retail a story that makes them both look like dicks.

  15. Spurgeon Monkfish III

    retail a story that makes them both look like dicks

    As would any “story” involving those two.

    the product of Lawrence Mooney’s imagination

    See any david rowe “cartoon” ever.

  16. Vagabond

    Turnbull proved himself the greater turd when got to be PM
    and did do much damage. To extend the metaphor, Shorten is a turd who fortunately for the country got flushed before he could reach his full potential of turdiness

  17. dopey

    Turnbull: ” Just the right age Bill, young and fresh, pleasant aromas, good body, nice smooth finish..”
    Shorten: ” Listen Mal, the coppers cleared me ok!,

  18. Clam Chowdah

    In my opinion Shorten comes off worse:

    a) anyone who buys a gift with a transactional objective in mind “like for like” is not a gentleman
    b) anyone who would discuss this with a journalist or anyone else is also petty AF
    c) anyone who drinks wine knows that plenty of plonk in the cheaper range can be stunning, if you know what you’re doing
    d) Turnbull May not have even registered the value of the gifted wine and simply placed it aside as dinner and wine were ready to go

    And of course who gives a shit?

    I say this as someone with a pretty-existing low view of both both men.

  19. Sean

    Rich people are often pretty stingy

  20. Amused

    A collection that cost $9000 comprised of 370 bottles works out at an average of 24 bucks a bottle.

  21. Clam Chowdah

    Rich people are often pretty stingy

    But how could you possibly know?

  22. Scott Osmond

    Both of them. Turncoat is a petty vindictive shit. I suspect that it was a studied insult. Shortarse wouldn’t have the class to understand giggle giggle. But who would tell a journalist this story?
    Having said that I’ve tried several types of wines and spirits and often the 20/40 bottles are better tasting than the expensive stuff. It all comes down to why you eat and drink, for the enjoyment of the flavours and taste or to signal how high brow and affluent you are.
    That is one of the reasons some people hate Trump. Just after his election it came out what he had the whitehouse prepare him for dinner. The clucking and tut tutting from those in the media would have put a chook farm to shame.

  23. woolfe

    OK Twats here is your chance to settle it once and for all
    https://twitter.com/woolfe/status/1230346988136235009

  24. mrwashout

    I wonder if Malcolm popped on down to the local pie shop to pick up dinner?

  25. Vagabond

    That poll is like asking us to choose between haemorrhoids, an anal fissure or a perianal abscess. All conditions associated with painful turds

  26. Where was Chloe Bryce in all this?
    Did Shorten get invited to a couples home for dinner but didn’t bring the little woman?
    Surely you don’t go to a couples home for dinner without bringing the little woman.

    Maybe, he did bring Chloe.
    Maybe, it was Chloe (she has the ‘breeding’) who sussed out the wine?
    Maybe, Chloe Googled the wine to prove to Bill that he was had?
    Maybe, it was Chloe who mentioned this to her friends at brunch, out of spite.
    Maybe, those friends gossiped about it.

    One thing is for sure. Both men are turds

  27. Lee

    Turnbull by far.

    I don’t like Shorten at all, but given most circumstances if you met him in the street he’d probably be at least personable with you.

    Turnbull, on the other hand, would either ignore you, or look down at you like you’re a POS.

    A thoroughly despicable person.

  28. Tim Neilson

    Who is the bigger turd?

    Peanut Head or Mick Trumble?

    Add in KRudd and you’d have the “biggest turd” equivalent of Federer Nadal and Djokovic in modern tennis, or Socrates Plato and Aristotle in classical philosophy.

  29. H B Bear

    Peanut Head has spent half his life with his little legs dangling under millionaire’s tables.

  30. Woolfe:
    I don’t have a twitter account so can’t vote.
    Perhaps the issue lies with the qualifiers.
    But both of them are despicable pieces of shit.

  31. Tel

    Turnbull is estimated to be worth around $200m. So why the bottom-of-the-barrel bottle? Is he a touch of a tight-arse or did he not think Shorten had the palate to appreciate his plonk?

    I don’t know the details, nor even whether this story is true or not … but if you go only by what is written, Shorten DID ENJOY the wine, right up until he checked the price on the way home. That means Turnbull correctly selected a suitable wine for the occasion. If Shorten thought it tasted crook he could have stopped drinking it at any time, and perhaps made some comment … but he didn’t, he bitched to a journalist the next day after checking the price. I simply can’t imagine something more socially awkward.

    By the way, if I’ve got a bunch of random wind bottles in the bottom drawer, I don’t usually remember exactly what I paid for them … but I do remember roughly what they tasted like, which ones are rough and which are gentle … sweet and fruity vs smelly sock in an old leather boot. What I pull out for a guest will depend on what I know about that guest’s tastes … Turnbull clearly has some idea what he is doing if he can make a $17 bottle do the job.

    I’m with Turnbull on this occasion. Don’t like the man, but based on the information at hand I’m much more likely to respond to an invitation to Turnbull’s place for dinner, than I am likely to ever invite Shorten to my place.

  32. Tel

    I don’t like Shorten at all, but given most circumstances if you met him in the street he’d probably be at least personable with you.

    But it would be fake … and if you had nothing he wanted then he would give you the slip at the first opportunity.

    I would prefer a good honest snub to a slimy pretend butt kiss.

  33. John A

    So why the bottom-of-the-barrel bottle? Is he a touch of a tight-arse or did he not think Shorten had the palate to appreciate his plonk?

    I think they deserve each other.

  34. Professor afred Lenin

    It is extremely disrespectfull to talk about our former leaders in such a manner ,although the bastards heartily deserve it ,you people dont respect the altruistic concern Of career politicians .no doubt you ignore the concern for the wukkas displayed by these two fine shoomin beans . Career politics is all about serving the people innit?

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