But … but … but crime in Melbourne is low.

By now all Cats would have heard the traumatic news. Melbourne has lost its most liveable status to Vienna. Already we have the excuses:

Lord Mayor of Melbourne Sally Capp, pointing to Vienna’s improved safety rating, conceded security was an area that needed improvement.

“They’ve got a very good safety rating, that’s one of the areas where we know because we’ve been discussing it with as well Neil, that we can continue to do better.” she told 3AW.

In addition to the generally improved security outlook for western Europe, Vienna benefited from its low crime rate, the survey’s editor Roxana Slavcheva said.

“One of the subcategories that Vienna does really well in is the prevalence of petty crime … It’s proven to be one of the safest cities in Europe,” she said.

Vienna is a beautiful city and the birthplace of a fine school of economic thought. It also gives me an excuse to play one of my all time favorite songs.

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37 Responses to But … but … but crime in Melbourne is low.

  1. iain russell

    Doomlord, expand your horizons please. A country not just a city: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vFo428N7xec

  2. Chris

    It is a good song and a creative video. Don’t read the commentary on it though.

  3. Sinclair Davidson

    A country not just a city

    That’s what I love about the Cat. New, crazy ideas that you encounter every day.

  4. Entropy

    No one cares about that bullshit but permanent chip on its shoulder wannabe Melbourne. You are second rate Melbourne, regardless of these stupid little ratings wars. And deep down, it’s residents know it.

  5. I’m not surprised Vienna won, it’s hard to car jack a bicycle on cobble stone streets.

  6. Roger

    Austrians living in fear as violent migrant gangs carry out DAILY attacks in Vienna

    Typical of The Economist to replace one dud choice with another.

  7. RobK

    New, crazy ideas …..
    What, Belgians cant sing? Or play?

  8. MichelLasouris

    Philip Wilson. A disgraced Archbishop in the Roman Catholic religion, has resigned his position. This has been accepted by the Pope with evident reluctance. Wilson has been found guilty of failing to report and act upon the activities of peadophile priests within his bishopric. He has been found guilty and sentenced to just one years’ detention, but to be served whilst living with a relative; a lenient sentence indeed. Almost a ‘wet lettuce leaf’ castigation. This man is said to be 67 years old, and at one time feigned mental incompetence ( Alzheimer’s) to evade conviction. He appears much older than his claimed age; a dissolute if not feckless life no doubt.
    Now his legal advisors inform us that felon Wilson will contest the Verdict, but not the Sentence.
    This no doubt is an attempt to cast Wilson in the mould of a Martyr ; someone who is not guilty of a Crime but has been incarcerated for his Faith.
    Obviously, Wilson intent is to appeal to the Pope to prepare this sexual scallywag for eventual Sainthood.
    Nice try Wilson , but I think not!

  9. jupes

    Lord Mayor of Melbourne Sally Capp, pointing to Vienna’s improved safety rating, conceded security was an area that needed improvement.

    Good news for bollard manufacturers at any rate.

    Hang on, wasn’t she one of those morons who reckoned the Sudanese savages’ crime wave was just a figure of the press’ imagination?

  10. Zulu Kilo Two Alpha

    Crime in Melbourne is low? Fatty Ashton’s circus turn up a second AK47 assault rifle, in a matter of days?

  11. Ah Vienna! I was in year 12 when that was released. I liked it then, but didn’t realise how sophisticated it is until later. The way the violas pass the baton to the violins on the crescendo is brilliant.

  12. Colonel Crispin Berka, Kings' Fusiliers Corps.

    Well obviously Vienna had an edge over Melbadishu.
    See in Vienna the Barbarians have only gotten as far as the gate.

  13. John Constantine

    Wasn’t that a cameo appearance from their Julie bishop, as the Black Widow crawling on the blokes face at the elite Viennna cocktail party?.

  14. rickw

    Mogadishu on the Yarra has more Africans and AK-47’s than the real Mogadishu.

    How long before fatty’s boys start turning up RPG’s?

  15. JC


    I felt the same way for a long time, but it’s really a nice comfortable city to live in.

  16. MPH

    So the solution for Melbourne is simple – elect a right wing conservative government who are tough on borders and immigration, and reclaim first place.

  17. GD

    Ultravox-Vienna … ultra crap
    Try Billy Joel instead for a musical Vienna song.

  18. JC


    State governments don’t control borders.

  19. 2dogs

    Nice try Wilson , but I think not!

    What he was convicted of is no longer a crime. The facts of his case do not meet the elements of the replacing statute.

    What value does society gain from punishing those who offended against repealed laws?

  20. Mark M

    It could be an economics hotspot … does have a gorgeous seaside setting, has plenty of heritage sites, is full of wonderful cafes with a two-hatted restaurant to boot, boasts a wide variety of boutique-style shops and has myriad natural attractions.

    In 2012, Port Fairy was voted the world’s (yes, the world’s) most liveable community of towns with a population of under 20,000, in the UN-recognised LivCom award and the shire’s mayor was presented with the prize at a ceremony in Abu Dhabi.


    No carbon (sic) induced dangerous sea level rise … and it’s just down the road …

  21. Spring is coming


    Oh and good morning to you little Miss Sunshine☀️

  22. sabena

    The last time I was in Vienna(2015) the migrant invasion was in full swing,affecting the enjoyment of touring there.

  23. John Constantine

    Now there is a high enough level of military style weapons in the hands of yarragrads imported economic and demographic freedom fighters against racism, the State can raise and equip its own paramilitary heavily armed Death Squads.

    As freedom fighters, for the People against Racism.


    We will see plenty of media photo opportunities as paramilitary State raids lead to staged street theatre of heavily bearded stale pale male bikies being led in chains out of bikie clubhoses where ashtrays were found on the drinks bar and broken tail-lights found on the clubs pub-truck.

    No such media swarms to televise heavily bearded men being led in chains out of a mosque after it was raided for harbouring consorting organised crime figures.


  24. Entropy

    That level of reaction is rather disappointing. Either all too many people agree, or my trolling is second rate.

  25. Entropy

    Actually the reason Vienna has jumped so much is relative to the rest of that toilet that is Europe, and for some insane reason our masters wish to emulate.

  26. wretch

    Ha.. Vienna never made it to number one in the UK, week after week it was pipped by Aussie battler Joe Dolce’s delightful Shaddap You Face

  27. stackja

    #2789039, posted on August 14, 2018 at 8:34 pm

    A retrospective crime.

  28. Rafe Champion

    Thanks to the VFL Melbourne is the centre of the universe. Not bad for an outer suburb of Launceston.

  29. a happy little debunker

    JC @ 2:15 am

    State governments don’t control borders.

    Fruit fly exclusion zones?
    I mean we are talking about unwanted pests, aren’t we?

  30. a happy little debunker

    Rafe Champion @ 9:08 am
    Thanks to the VFL Melbourne is the centre of the universe

    Thanks to TFL that trained and supplied all their best footy players?

  31. faceache

    As one of the Green’s candidates said a while back, ” The level of water won’t rise in Port Philip Bay because its not part of the ocean”. So Melbourne is safe from any inundation. What a relief.

  32. Speedbox

    That level of reaction is rather disappointing. Either all too many people agree, or my trolling is second rate.

    As a non-Melbourne person, I didn’t read your comment as a troll. I thought “yep” and moved on.

  33. Terry

    “my trolling is second rate.”

    It was trolling?

    What were the “cool kids” in Melbourne more concerned about, their lessers in the “not so trendy” suburbs being terrorised or that some other “cool kids” on the other side of the world don’t think they’re quite so cool anymore?

    Melbourne: home of the Zombie Leftard (are they really “alive”?)

    “Most liveable” – sure.

  34. Petros

    The Economist index has always been biased in favour of the Anglophone countries. There is no way Melbourne was ever better than Vienna, except during 1914-1918 and 1939-1945. The Mercer index is much more accurate in my opinion. And yes I have lived in both cities.

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