Breaking news …

Tim Blair:

T-Day Looms
Tension builds as the release of Malcolm Turnbull’s autobiography draws near. How many people will ignore social distancing rules to secure their copy? How many will be trampled to death as frenzied crowds storm bookstores?

 
A dangerous situation. We need to shut down the Liberal Wets market. Immediately.

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27 Responses to Breaking news …

  1. Professor Fred Lenin

    Wets markets !! love it ! wonder if he will tell us how much he made pout of twirly light globes and ruinables ?.and how much money o[is in the Caymans account? Where he hid the knife he stabbed Abbot in the back with ? His failed applo]ications to join the alp, all three of them ? So many questions without answers ?

  2. Rafe Champion

    I thought it was selling at remainder prices already.

  3. Rafe Champion

    Will it be in vacuum sealed plastic to be sure it is safe to touch? And what is the guarantee?

  4. One can only guess that what Lord Farquaad has had ghost written on his behalf will make him appear like Prince Charming himself.

  5. John64

    Mick Trumble is the only man who’s ever ghost written his own book.

  6. Exit Stage Right

    The Miserable Ghost will probably get an exemption from Social Distancing rules and also become the 5th acceptable essential reason to be out and about in this time of lock down.
    I would like to attend his book launch, but The Palace Chook and The Berk won’t let me across the border.

  7. a happy little debunker

    Expensive toilet paper is still only toilet paper.

  8. Leo G

    How many people will ignore social distancing rules to secure their copy?

    Just see the bigger picture from Melbourne Athenaeum: $70 a head for the seat, $55 for the hardback and $1652 for the on-the-spot.

  9. Colonel Bunty Golightly

    Soon as it gets cheap enough Ill buy a few copies to use as arse paper!

  10. H B Bear

    I can hear the excuses already.

    Can you see a pattern here?

  11. dopey

    And how he brought up that wonderful son of his.

  12. Scott Osmond

    Don’t need to read it. Memememe! oh and I could have done so much if only I’d been given a chance. Turnfilth is a self-serving arsehole. What will the subtitle be? Potential greatness betrayed?

  13. candy

    It’s probably quite interesting if you want to read about Cabinet meetings, betrayals, spills etc,
    the conservatives vs. the greenie wets and all that jazz, the bad Tony Abbott and Peter Dutton who ruined his career.

  14. John Dee

    What if (sob!) there is a limit of one copy for each person?
    I tried to enlist the help of my friends – get them to queue with me at 3:30am – just in case this happens.
    They all told me to f… off.
    Whaa..?
    Why?

  15. 132andBush

    We need to shut down the Liberal Wets market. Immediately.

    Hahaha! Spot on!

  16. Bruce of Newcastle

    The drought is broken!
    But the sewer system will clog up.
    Hopefully the publishers will use the right sort of paper.

  17. Some History

    I’m guessing that Falcon Trumble’s book launch will put absolutely no – none, zero, zilch – pressure on the health system. Not even the need for a band-aid.

  18. Perfidious Albino

    Candy, I think you meant ‘all that jizz’…

  19. Some History

    Wait, wait… there’s a small crowd building at the entrance…

    No, nup. They’re here for Human Nature‘s incredibly early Christmas album launch.

  20. Up The Workers!

    Would have been handy on the shelves a few weeks ago when the regular bum rolls and poo tickets were in short supply.

    I do hope that all the pages are perforated for ease-of-use, and that they have left all the newsprint off the individual sheets between the front and back covers.

    Newsprint on your backside is even more useless than tits on a bull or Wayne Swan in Treasury…and it’s bloody hard to read, too.

  21. Iampeter

    Ah yes, the autobiography of the man that Howard supporters, including the likes of Tim Blair, call “left wing.”
    The cognitive dissonance and beclownment of conservatives continues apace.

  22. Mother Lode

    He may well go to sleep at night letting treasured scenarios run through his head like limpid streams in a forest.

    Perhaps imagining that class in a future university studying a course in politics called ‘Malcolm Turnbull – Orator, Statesman, Savior’. Or a literature course with exactly the same name.

    Or a rock and roll band with their electric guitars and drums and long hair singing a song about how they wish they were Malcolm Turnbull.

    Or ABC movies covering different aspects of his leadership from about his apprenticeship under Howard to the shameful deposition by mediocre and vain men – the poignant irony that a leader who deftly manages all manner of disasters before they are even perceived will be themselves perceived as not showing leadership at all.

    Perhaps there will be an entry in the Oxford Dictionary:

    Turnbull
    noun.
    1. Someone who really really clever and talented and is brilliant at everything they try. Handsome too.
    verb (transitive)
    1. To do things brilliantly. Better than Abbott. Better than Howard. Better than stupid Trump.

    And these thoughts would be important, because in the morning when he wakes up and his wife in poised above him with those giant goggle eyes and hard rod-like limbs – looking every inch like an insectoid alien from a 1950’s movie – well, eight hours out of 24 being happy is not too much to ask, is it?

  23. H B Bear

    This page is blank for your convenience.

  24. John A

    H B Bear #3410521, posted on April 14, 2020 at 9:40 am

    This page is blank for use in your convenience.

    TFTFY

  25. Cynic of Ayr

    Exit Stage Right
    .
    “The Palace Chook”
    .
    LOL! Larfs! I’m a gunna steal that!

  26. old bloke

    Don’t mock it, this is a potentially great autobiography.

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