Patient: Bloggs, William. Age: 47. Next of kin: Mary Bloggs. CoD: inhalation of Polly Waffle wafer. Weather: Fine, 33.6

Climate-related deaths go unrecorded, says doctor working in some of our hottest towns.

Dr Quilty and researchers want death certificates to include not just the physiological reason that people died but also the weather on the day they died.

Climate change has become Pepsi to COVID-19’s Coca-Cola. Losing market share, its biggest problem as a seller is that it doesn’t kill anybody. But someone has been taking note of the conveniently vague certifications being written up lately to statistically manage coronavirus. Voilà. Close enough for contemporary science.

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26 Responses to Patient: Bloggs, William. Age: 47. Next of kin: Mary Bloggs. CoD: inhalation of Polly Waffle wafer. Weather: Fine, 33.6

  1. Mark M

    Funny how they won’t declare it further evidence of global warming.

  2. John A

    What? Another William and Mary?

    [Grand Inquisitor:] What will Her Majesty say?

  3. wal1957

    South-east Queensland hits freezing point after coldest May day in 98 years.

    And that is the reason the fanatics renamed gerbil warming to climate change. To try and cover for these discrepancies in their narrative.

    A bit of free advice to those fanatics…changing a name does not help your fantasy.

  4. Suburban Boy

    Presumably this fictitious cause of death is from a year or two hence (when Polly Waffles are back on the market).

  5. Phill

    It would be a bit hard in Melbourne. Not enough space on the forms.

  6. thefrollickingmole

    His uni specialty is teaching about how climate kills.

    When you have a hammer, everything looks like a nail…

  7. theleftfootkick

    Fellow sees good weather report decides to go bush walking in the high country alpine area. Soon after he is out walking and the weather changes quickly and a cold snap with falling snow causes him to lose his way and he succumbs to hyperthermia and is found dead some time later. Death certificate due to ‘climate change’, local cops are rapt, they don’t have to bother a brief for the coroner, it’s a done deal.

  8. Professor Fred Lenin

    What about the millions dying of alcohoism yearly ? This only happens because climate change makes it warmer and people drink more , the water is chlorinated ,taste shouse. Medical Authorities dont go deeo enough in research to discover these facts .
    As Joe Biden said “TRUTH BEATS FACTS _ “

  9. cuckoo

    It was sad news about the death of Stranglers keyboardist Dave Greenfield, but this is how his cause of death was reported:

    The Stranglers keyboard player Dave Greenfield has died at the age of 71 after testing positive for Covid-19. Greenfield died on Sunday having contracted the virus after a prolonged stay in hospital for heart problems.

    Guess he didn’t get the memo about staying at home and protecting the NHS. Did they list climate change as a co-morbidity?

  10. Mother Lode

    Covid-19 dropped an egg when I was preparing breakfast this morning.

    Yes, I was not paying too much attention and also holding a cup while making a cup of tea, but the presence of Covid-19 among the other circumstances overrides them.

    When are authorities going to take this scourge seriously?

    Where is the egg app?

    How can I cook breakfast without government informed by medical officers telling me?

    This is how civilisations end!

  11. This is why I live in Victoristan, people only die where it’s hot, down here we’re quite safe all year round.

  12. Bruce of Newcastle

    Latest jet stream map is interesting. The jet stream is coming from just north of the Antarctic coast, has a bit of a kip near Perth then goes in a huge loop all the way to Cairns. I’d guess some more records will be broken today in Nth Qld.

  13. Squirrel

    Without even hovering the cursor over the “Climate-related deaths go unrecorded” link, something told me it was going to be an ABC story – what ever would we do without them………?

  14. Biota

    From the Brisbane Times article

    The bureau said the low maximum temperature records would need to be confirmed by its climate services team in the coming days

    What’s the bet that they get homogenised away.

  15. theleftfootkick

    Hey Charles what did you do those cold temp sheets from the other day?

  16. mundi

    Only the bom can take days to read a thermometer.

  17. Kneel

    “What’s the bet that they get homogenised away.”

    No, no, no!
    Listen carefuly, I will say zis only once – hot weather is proof of climate change, cold weather is just weather.

    Yeah, it is like an episode of a bad sitcom, innit?

  18. Cardimona

    The jet stream is coming from just north of the Antarctic coast, has a bit of a kip near Perth then goes in a huge loop all the way to Cairns

    My truckie mate found this on soshul meeja…

    Someone has a sense of humor. Lol Community Service Announcement

    Cairns Residents woke to record low temperature this morning prompting authorities to issue warnings.

    Parts of the region are already under 20c prompting the Cairns Cold Warning Centre (CCWC) to issue an Emergency warning bulletin, the first in many years.

    Spokesman from the CCWC, Mike Hunt said “Forecast showed that we were going to get the cold front, as they have down south. However, our models showed we were getting in the low 20’s. No one predicted we would be in the teens. Its 19c people!”.

    Cairns Mayor, Bob Manning has urged Cairns residents to take safety measures during this cold snap. Here are just a few of their winter tips taken from the Cairns Regional Council website;
    • Stay indoors. Only go out if it’s essential.
    • Wear socks with thongs, don’t worry how it looks, safety first.
    • Consider not using fans. If you must, use the low setting.
    • Leave car headlights on overnight, to stop them from freezing over
    • Consider using luke warm water bottles
    • Regularly post photos of your dog so everyone knows he’s okay
    • Use less ice in your drinks.

    Just like the Toilet paper hoarding months ago, authorities have again witnessed more panic shopping. One example is Kmart Cairns Central, who has completely sold out of their fan heaters, Yes both of them.

    Pillow Talk Cairns sold out of their thick doonas. Store manager Mo Lester said “we only had 2 thick doonas as they were sent to us in error. However, we do have 78 normal doonas in stock and during these trying times we are suggesting people sew two together”. They have introduced a 2 doona limit until further notice.

    By Monday, the CCWC says the extreme cold will go bringing temperatures back to our normal winter conditions of >25c…

    On behalf of the team at Art and Office Cairns, we say stay safe people 🙂

  19. Robber Baron

    The dinosaurs died because of climate change…or was it COVID-BC60million?

  20. Suburban Boy

    Melbourne has now recorded almost four months with the average maximum well below the long-term maximum according to the BOM:
    – Feb LT av max 25.8, in 2020 24.4
    – Mar LT av max 23.9, in 2020 22.9
    – Apr LT av max 20.3, in 2020 19.3
    – May LT av max 16.7, in 2020 (to date) 16.2

    The long-term averages are from a different station (now closed) to the current one, so that might affect the numbers.

  21. wal1957

    Suburban Boy

    Those temps will be long lost after homogenisation.

    BTW. With all this homogenisation going on, why do we even need a thermometer?
    We can just make up any temperature we want. Just like the BOM does.

  22. Helen

    Matt Ridley in his book The Rational Otimist makes the opposite point, more people die of cold than hot.

    I would make the observation, though, that dying when it is hot is not unusual in a place that is hot. You gonna die, you die. Same cold. Trying to link it to global warming is a reach, though. I will say that Simon is a brilliant Dr.

  23. Delta A

    Climate change has become Pepsi to COVID-19’s Coca-Cola.

    Very well put.

  24. Tom

    I’d guess some more records will be broken today in Nth Qld.

    Bruce of Newk, my favourite stat of the week (from Jane Bunn during her excellent weather report on Channel 7) is the town of Tully, south of Cairns, had 20 inches of rain during the week — ho hum for the locals, but dazzling for a farmer’s son from Victoriastan where rainfall is 28 inches a year. We dream of downpours like that!

  25. Up The Workers!

    The outside temperature is a searing 4 degrees Celsius this morning as the 6 million citizens of Mogadishu-by-the-Yarra sit quietly under Socialist totalitarian House Arrest, cruelly baking, boiling, frying, roasting and grilling in the Socialist rhetorical heat of ‘gerbil worming’, in order to avoid the Commo-Chinese Cancer; the Peasant’s Pox; the Socialist Syphilis, the Bolshevik Botulism (aka Dodgy Dan’s “Bat Soup and Toad” Initiative).

    For all the torrent of Leftard gillarding, carpet-bagging and bare-faced bull-shittery expended on the Left’s second-most recent example of “Apocalypse-du-Jour”, how many people have ever heard the Apocalyptic Catastropharianists bother to define precisely how much the global temperature has risen by, over, say, the last century?

    After all, if we are now allegedly being savagely baked to a crisp in the searing 4 whole degrees of killer heat outside our centrally-heated homes, what were the temperatures 100 years ago, which our present predicament has risen from?

    If you Google N.A.S.A.’s figure on the average global temperature rise in the course of the last century, you will see that global temperatures have risen by all of – wait for it – 0.7 of a single degree Celsius in the last 100 years.

    Yes, you read right – 0.7 of 1 degree C.

    To put it another way, the average annual global temperature increase over the last century has been 1/100th of 0.7 degrees, or 0.007, or seven one-thousandths of a degree. Frightening, isn’t it!

    Global Warming…if you stick around for the next 3,000 years or more, you may eventually need to “slip, slop & slap” a bit, although it would be far more therapeutic if instead, you “slipped, slopped, and vigorously thumped a lying Greenie!”

  26. Botswana O'Hooligan

    My mate in Cooktown reports that this cold snap has seen him don a blue Jackie Howe singlet earlier than usual for they are warmer than the white ones, and he is thinking of hauling out the Thursday Island Ugg boots (thongs). This bloke is normally a reasonably laid back FNQ bloke who used to run a watchmaking business by the tide tables because he was a keen fisherman.

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